Heart of a Saint, Life of a Sinner
by lovelyrei88
Summary: So, AU in ways. Eric/OC Maureen is a transfer from Erudite, and the little sister of Eric's best friend with a past. Will things pick up where they left off, or will they have to start all over? Will they even still want each other?(Formally titled Untitled)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Diclaimer: I own nothing of Divergent, all credit of all that you recognize from the series.**

 **AU sort of. I've changed somethings that didn't set well with me, added a few characters. I personally haven't read that series, but I've read the Wiki and my sister helped explain things to me. This was mostly a request from my sister who had afew prblems with the series as well, so I thought that I might just upload it :) Choosing Day is age 18, Eric/Four are 21, and this is before Tris and all of that. So, yeah. Enjoy!**

I didn't really think that I would run into him again. Dauntless was a pretty big faction. Lots of people floating around, doing whatever they wanted. I thought that I may be able to fly under the radar, slyly get through without anyone noticing me. How wrong was I? Who would've guessed that his face would be the first that I see after jumping off of that train? There he stands, tall and intimidating, grey eyes flicking through us, uninterested. His eyes lock with mine, and the air in my lungs vanish.

Three years. Three years since I've seen him and he still has the same effect on me as if time had stopped. He looks different. More dominant. Alpha. He has a few additions on his body, definitely the epitome of Dauntless. There's a piercing on his eyebrow, tattoo blocks going up his neck, holes in his ears. I wonder if he has any other tattoos anywhere else on his body, the heavy jacket blocking my answer. Eric may have been attractive before, and somehow him being in his element made him even more attractive. His face pulls into an even nastier sneer, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes. I'm the one who looks away, looking at the ground, hoping that the world would swallow me whole. I knew he was a leader, so was my brother, but I didn't think that he would be here. I'm already semi regretting this decision before it even comes to fruitation.

"Welcome. My name is Eric. I am one of your leaders here at Dauntless." He introduces himself, voice curt with fake politeness, and I can feel a hole burning in my head presumably from his stare. I keep my eyes downcast, not having the guts to look him in the eyes again. So much for being brave, I think to myself, small smirk gracing my lips. "You've all made it this far. The way into Dauntless is this way. If you don't have the guts to jump, then you don't belong in Dauntless." He continues his speech, voice cold, far from the boy he left behind. I raise my eyes to him and look over his shoulder, seeing exactly what he was referring too.

He wanted us to jump. Off of the fucking roof.

My eyes widen for a moment, a spike of fear running through my veins. I hear a boy scoff from my right, and turn my body away from him slightly, seeing Eric eye him suspiciously.

"Something wrong over there, Amity?" Our future leader asks, eyeing the boys dirty flannel and jeans with a skeptical eye. The boy shakes his head wildly, hair flopping around his shoulder as he spots his mistake. Eric simply smirks cruelly at him, obviously knowing the affect he had on us newbies. "We don't have all day." He insists, growing bored, crossing his arms across his chest, eyes raking over the crowd again. They obviously don't want their future soldiers to die, so they have something down there to not kill us. Water. Nets. Something. Swallowing down my fears, I start stepping forward, hands shaking slightly. Eric sees me moving and smirks in my direction, scoff falling from his lips. I step up to the lip of the roof, leaning over and looking down into the hole, fear spreading through my chest again. "Ready, initiate?" Eric questions, voice full of humor, a spark of amusement in his eyes. I swipe my auburn hair off of my shoulder and look him in the eye, trying my best not to flinch at the coldness that has taken over his features, not quite recognizing the man in front of me.

"Ready as ever, Coulter." I answer, smiling at him, voice just as quiet as I step off of the ledge, and plunged into darkness. I felt my hair whip around my face as I fell, and soon collided with a net, bouncing slightly as I come to a stop. I look over and see a bored man to my right, clipboard in hand, frown on his face. Someone isn't too happy with their job.

"Welcome to Dauntless, initiate. I'm Four. Name?" He asks, sleep coating his words. Or maybe with boredom. One will never know.

"Maureen." I answer, suspicious of the man in front of me, eyeing the clipboard with little interest. Four smiles a small smile at me, eyes scanning the paper in front of him.

"Maureen, first jumper!" He yells to someone over his shoulder, as he crosses something off of his paper. "Might wanna get out of there soon. Before someone else jumps." He warns, pen pointing to the exit. I scramble towards the hole, not finding that idea very appealing. I stand awkwardly to the side, only seeing a blonde lady off to the side, clipboard in her hand as well. She doesn't look up from it, seemingly too engrossed with the information in front of her. I turn and watch a few other people jump off of the roof, each wearing a prideful smile. I don't know why.

It was the beginning of the end.

Our life as soldiers.

* * *

After those who were jumping had done so, Four turned to us, mouthing some numbers as his raked over us seemingly just as bored and tired as before.

"Alright, welcome to Dauntless. Those of you that are transfers, follow me. Dauntless born, please follow Lauren. Good luck to you all." Four starts, turning his eyes downcast to run over his paper a final time as we part the way he explained. I stayed over by Four, watching as over half of our group leaves towards the blonde. I stay in the back, standing behind a row of people, taking in the different colors around me, eyeing my new competition. I could spot a few other transfers from Erudite, their royal blue clothes dark amongst the plaid. There were only two other girls in the class, and I frown slightly, not liking the look of my odds at the start. I eye the boys, seeing Amity is the highest transferred faction, with one girl and three boys. Erudite was second, myself with two boys and only one transfer from Abnegation and Candor, a girl and boy respectively. This was going to be interesting.

"This way." Four ushers, not quite looking at us as he turns and walks, pace brisk, expecting us to follow. We do so without question, lambs marching to the slaughter. We walk through a heavy door, greeted by the sound of falling water, mist spraying over us, making myself jump from the freshness of it all. It was quite loud, and I had to strain to hear my instructor's word, voice floating through and getting caught in the sound of crashes and waves. "This is the Chasm. Be careful where you step." He explains, eyeing Eric as he walks over to us, arrogant smirk on his lips.

"Small class this year, Four." He comments, arms crossed over his chest, eyeing Four down with contempt. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he didn't harbor anything for the man. "I saw that Lauren's class was almost double your size." He continues, low voice floating through the air, eyes flashing to us. His eyes catch mine again, and this time I hold my ground. I feel a tad more confident since the jump, trying to get through this day as quickly as I could. I see amusement flash through his eyes, a rare smirk crossing his face as he slightly nods his head in my direction, trying not to make it seem like he knows me, getting the sly hello across. I smirk at him for a moment before he breaks eye contact, slapping his hand on Four's shoulder, a little to roughly to be considered friendly. "See you tomorrow. Good luck." He finishes, although I could tell that he didn't mean it. Four gives him an exasperated look, as if he wasn't expecting those words to come from Eric. He shoulders his way through us, making sure to bump into my shoulder a little rougher than he did the boys around me. His eyes flicker to mine quickly one last time, flashing to the boy that I knew growing up for a milisecond, a warm tone to his voice for a fleeting moment, so quiet I almost thought that I misheard him. I smile to myself, the boy to my left looking over at me with confusion on his face. I simply ignore his stare and follow our class, moving on and listening to the rest of the tour, Eric's words echoing in my head.

Welcome home, initiate.

* * *

The tour was boring, the dinner speech just as mind-numbing. By the time Max, one of my new leaders, was done with his speech, the whole mess hall seemed to be in a frenzy, save for a few people sitting and watching everyone around them. My eyes had rarely left my brother, sitting next to his fellow leaders, eyes flashing to me every once and a while, a warm smile on his face.

God, I missed Jaison.

Eric and Jaison were all I had in Erudite keeping me sane, and when they left I went into a tailspin. The men before me barely resemble the boys who left, strong soldiers taking their place. Eric seemed to have an air around him that was never there growing up, one that seemed almost absurd. My eyes drink in their new features, tattoos and piercings shining back at me. I openly stare at Eric's neck, wondering idly if he really thought that tattoo through, if he regretted getting it halfway done. Jai had a similar tattoo on his forearm, blocks lining up to his elbow and, surprisingly, a lip ring and a tattoo on the back of his neck of something that I couldn't make out at this distance. I finally turn my attention back to my table as the noise died down, not wanting to be caught staring. I turn towards my instructor, seeing his focus already on me, eyes flashing in the general direction I was looking. He scoffs a bit to himself, roughly eating the food off of his fork.

"Something the matter, Maureen?" Four asks accusingly, pointing his fork at me for a moment before he took another bite. I shake my head and pick up some chicken on my utensil, eyeing it a bit before bringing it to my mouth.

"He just reminds me of someone from my old home." I answer, not quite lying. The Eric and Jaison before me have changed, only hints of the boys that they were when they came here shining through in the smallest of ways. Four nods and continues his meal, stoically silent as he listens to the surrounding conversations with the rest of the class. I never noticed that we had company, to engrossed with my own food, until it was too late. Jai had come to my side of the table, pure joy in his eyes, hands clasped in front of him. He wore a tight smile and nodded to Four in greeting, receiving a nod in return. Jaison cleared his throat, eyes on me, preparing to speak.

"Sorry for the interruption, but I need Maureen for a moment." My brother says, eyes never leaving my own. I turn to Four, almost waiting for his approval. Four grants it, not looking my way.

"Just take her to their bunks, if you can." He asks, eyes on the paper that somehow appeared in front of him, Eric looking over his shoulder with the same bored expression on his face. I smile brightly at Jai as I stand, plate in hand. As I walk past him, he grabs my plate with one hand, the other grabbing my elbow, steering me through the crowds out of the mess hall, Eric trailing behind us. I follow wordlessly, a small giggle passing my lips, excitement running through my limbs. This was a start to a new life. A new, brave life with the most important pieces of my family. Jaison waits until we are a few halls away from the cafeteria before he pulls me to him in a warm embrace, and it's then that I realize that my brother hadn't changed all that much. Maybe physically, but under all of that Dauntless, he was still my Jaison. I hear a familiar snicker from behind us, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"How sweet." Eric says in a condescending manner, sarcasm dripping off of his words in a sickly sweet manner. Jaison chuckles, an action that makes my head shake on his chest.

"Maybe you should take a picture. Keep this moment forever." I mumble, breaking away from my brother with a warm smile on my face. Eric just shakes his head, his never ending smirk in place. "It's okay. I missed you too, you know." I add, winking in his direction. Eric just scoffs at me, before turning his back and walking away from me, shaking his head.

"See you around, initiate." He calls over his shoulder. Jai and I laugh at his retreating back, both shaking our heads.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Mo." Jaison says, walking down the hall opposite of Eric. I follow him, taking the opportunity to catch up with him. "And he really did miss you." He adds voice low, as if answering and unspoken question as an afterthought. The halls are winding and dark, and I can see how people can get easily get lost in this maze. I follow wordlessly, looking around and trying to remember exactly which way we are going.

"Yeah, no one really thought that I would leave Erudite." I say offhandedly, almost bumping into Jaison when he comes to a halt. I mull his words over in my head, about Eric missing me. Maybe he only missed teasing me. Or because Jai always brought me up. Did he miss me the same way I missed him? There were stolen kisses in our past, but that exactly what that was. The past. There were three years of not seeing each other. I had a lover or two inbetween then and now, and I can only imagine the same for him. Was it the same feeling for him when he saw me, or was I just his best friend's annoying little sister, hanging on to some past like a lifeline? I stop this train of thought in my head, knowing that it was going to get me no where. Thinking Erudite in Dauntless would only get me in trouble. This is a new faction, a new way of life. A new frame of mind. But old habits die hard, and my brain continues going down the rabbit hole. I was asking myself to stop 18 years worth of Erudite thinking in less than twenty four hours. Even I knew that that was asking way too much of myself, holding myself to too high of a standard.

"Did you continue to pursue the arts after we left?" Jaison asks, resuming his pace wandering through the halls, turning left down a seemingly abandoned corridor. I nod behind him, greatful that his question pulls me from my train of thought, only to realize that he can't see me if he's in front of me.

"I did. It was all I had after..." I respond, trailing off as I remember their Choosing Day, both of them leaving our home for their new one. Our new home. My brother seemed to have understood, as he merely nodded and threw a sympathetic smile over his shoulder, guilt flashing through his eyes for a split moment, before amusement won over.

"Are you still as good as I remember?" He asks, a hint of pride in his voice. "I kept that CD you gave me. The one with the songs that you wrote." He informs me, coming to a halt in front of a large, heavy looking door. I blush slightly in embarrassment, knowing exactly what CD he's talking about. A goodbye present that I gave both him and Eric. A surprisingly boring gift that I figured would be chucked out of the window the first chance that the both of them had.

"Who knew that you listened to classical?" I ask, knowing full well that's not the type of music that he preferred. "Must've made your ears bleed. I was horrible back then. I've improved, you know." I comment, leaning up against the wall, crossing my arms across my chest, placing one of my feet behind me on the wall. Jaison chuckles, shaking his head.

"It isn't all that bad. It helps when I do my paperwork." He admits, mimicking my stance on the other side of the door. "Did you bring your violin?" He asks, trying to make conversation. I shake my head and look at him like he's crazy.

"How in the hell would I have brought that thing, Jai?" I ask, voice raising up an octive. How could he think that I was thinking of an instrument while deciding who I was going to be and where I was going to go for the rest of my life. Suddenly, the day and all of it's blurring events catch up to me, and I'm exhausted, leaning my head back onto the wall and taking a deep breath. "I didn't exactly think that I was gonna see the two of you first thing when I got here." I admit as I slide down the wall onto my butt, body growing tired. I hear him sigh above me and I take a peak at him. He shakes his head at me and smiles, a big toothy grin.

"I saw your name on the testing list. A hundred percent Dauntless, huh?" He asks, pride evident in his voice. I giggle and shake my head, easily falling into conversation with Jai like I've talked to him every day since hes been gone, and not just get two letters a year telling me how he's doing. "Eric was hesitant to help train your class. That was until he saw your name at the top of the list. Took him all of two seconds after reading your name to make a snarky comment about Four and his training skills and decided to help out." Jai confesses, a knowing smirk on his face. I sigh then, knowing exactly what he was thinking. Out of everyone in our little circle, you would think that he would be the most against his best friend and little sister liking each other. He was quite the opposite in fact, always trying to push us together, never once making me feel bad or guilty about my crush on his best friend.

"Maybe he just doesn't want me to embarass you. Make sure that he doesn't have to hear your bitching if I became factionless." I answer, eyes getting heavier. Jaison laughs, full on belly laughs, at my accusation as he squats down to my height.

"We both know that Eric doesn't do things to make others feel better." He mumbles, pushing my hair behind my shoulder with a soft look on his face. I open my eyes and sigh, already wanting this conversation to be over even though it has just started. I begin to shake my head in protest, but Jaison stands to his full height in front of me, already seeing the end to this debate as he holds out his hand to help me up. I take it gratefully, not at all surprised when he hauls me up as if I weigh nothing. "Lost some weight while we were gone, Mo?" He asks accusingly. "You were already almost too skinny when we left." He adds, concern now masking his face.

I scoff and write him off, already knowing what's coming.

"Well, it's a good thing that I'm here then, huh? To gain some muscle." I point out, hoping to remedy the situation. It seems to put Jai's mind at ease, his green eyes staring into my brown ones for a moment, lips pressed into a thin line. He then nods his head before pulling me into another bone crushing embrace, almost reluctant to let me go.

"Your bed is through there. You'll be sleeping with everyone in a common room setting. There's the communal showers in there, but also some private ones in the training room if you ever want to use them." Jaison tells me, all the while holding me to his chest tightly. I nod stiffly back into him before I take a deep breath and step back, steeling myself before walking through the doors. Jai smiles encouragingly at me, holding out his hand to the door in a welcoming manner. "Welcome home, Maureen." Jai says happily, with a sigh of relief. I smile back at him and reach for the door, ready to start my new life


	2. Chapter 2

Annoyance.

That's all that I feel as I step out into my new Dauntless attire, black tank top with black leggings and a black running jacket. This morning, we were all rudely awakened by Four and his best friend. Well, Rylan's best friend but who am I kidding. He spent a good five minutes yelling above my head, all the while being a condescending ass, even when I do exactly as I am told. I knew he could be an ass, but I swear he's riding me harder than the others. These first three days, it's been, 'ten more laps, initiate' with a few 'did I say slow down, initiate' in the mix. I didn't expect him to go easy on me because of our history, but I didn't expect him to ride my ass all day long either, all the while never saying my name. Not once.

We were placed in pairs after our 'warm-up'. I'd rather call it a premature death. I was the unlucky girl paired up with a boy, the same boy from Amity that decided to laugh at Eric on the roof. I should've seen it coming, really. Of course he was gonna pair me up unfairly, wanting to push me harder. And I find myself pushing back, a small part of me taking it with a grain of salt. Wanting to make him proud.

The other, larger, part of me wanted to tell him to fuck off each time he talked to me in that condescending tone that he used on Four.

We go through the exercise quietly, sparring easily until Eric speaks up from his post by the punching bags.

"First jumper, in the ring!" He calls out, eyes landing on me. I nod slightly and step forward towards the make-shift ring, rolling my shoulders slightly as I feel a burn in my shoulder blade. "Last jumper!" He yells, nodding his head in my direction. To my dismay, the largest guy in the room steps forward, the transfer from Candor. I look him up and down, and swear that he should be with the Dauntless born. Did his mother move factions while pregnant? He's huge. I see myself losing early, my confidence waning at the sight of him. I instantly think of my odds of winning, a measly ten to fifteen percent, before I step towards the ring, head high and eyes hardened. There was no way that I was letting Eric or this guy know that I was scared and intimidated. "You two will spar each other." Eric says, his voice was as hardened as his eyes.

"When is the fight over?" I ask, my voice wavering slightly as Candor grins savagely at me. This was not one fight that I wanted to be in.

"Until you cannot fight anymore." Comes Eric's smug reply, arms crossed on his chest like always. My eyes flash to him in annoyance. Surely, he wants me factionless at this point. Maybe that's why he took up helping Four. To see me fail. Four comes to my rescue, clearing his throat and giving Eric a pointed look.

"Or if one of you concedes." He says willfully in my direction, knowing that I may need a way out of this. I nod my head, taking a breath of relief. Eric, however, huffs in annoyance as he stands and stalks around the ring, eyes never leaving my body.

"Well, hurry up. We don't have all day, initiates." He hisses, deliberately look in my direction. "You'll also be evaluated on this." He add sas an afterthought, eyes catching mine. He sneaks a wink in after he's done talking, a satisfied smirk on his face.

It is in that moment that I feel nothing but pure rage and contempt towards my long-time crush.

I turn my focus, back to my opponent, Eric's low voice floating through my head.

Rule one: Never get distracted.

Rule two: Always follow rule number one.

I get into my stance, feet shoulder width apart, fists raised to protect my face. I'm gonna need all of the protection that I can get from this guy. Candor moves first, making a tentative punch to my left. I sidestep, my quick feet helping me move out of the way. There's no time to think, as I instinctually send out a punch of my own, landing a hit on his arm. I didn't know what I was expecting, but the impact hurt more than I thought it would. Candor flinches slightly, lobbing one of his huge fists directly towards my face. Unfortunately for me, my arms are too far apart, giving him an oppurtunity to hit my face.

Which he took.

I feel the impact on the corner of my mouth first, by my nose. Blood rushes to my head, and I feel something wet on my face. I know it's blood, and I shake it off, pulling my hands in closer. Candor doesn't let up, stricking again fast. Beofre I know it, hit two and three render my arms useless, and I'm dazed, the pain taking over. My arms throb where the impact hit, and I drop them. As I stumble back, Candor grabs my arm and throws me to the mat, and I feel the air whoosh from my lungs. He starts pulling my arm at a weird angle, and I swear I can hear the bones creak under his pressure. I hiss out in pain, attempting to recoil my arm on instinct. When it doesn't budge, I hiss out in pain, trying to at least think myself out of this position. When I cannot think of one, I sneak my other arm from under me and tap out. Four instantly hops up onto the mat, pulling Candor off of me while looking down at me. I take a deep breath and pull my aching arm to my chest, rolling onto my side as I start to sit back up. I feel the blood on my lips, some of the copper taste filling my mouth.

"You okay, initiate?" Four questions, eyeing the blood running down my face and sparring a look at the arm being held high onto my chest. I nod wordlessly to him, and go to stand. "Eric, do you mind taking her to the infirmary?" Four asks, eyes never leaving my injuries. Eric must have nodded yes, because before I know it, I'm being hauled to my feet by my elbow. I put my head down and let him guide me, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I feel the throb all of the way into my back, arms pulsing where they were struck repeatedly.

Neither Eric or I talk on our way to the infirmary, nor do I open my eyes. I trust him to lead me, and his hand never leaves my arm. It isn't until that I hear the buzz of nurses around me, and smell the sterilization of hospital that I realize we have arrived to our destination. Eric doesn't even speak to a nurse, just walks me through the hustle and bustle and throws me into an office. I open my eyes and spare a look at him, being met by a set of cold eyes. He nods to the chair to my left and sighs softly.

"Take a seat. I'll be back with a doctor." He instructs, voice clipped, almost uninterested. I nod and turn to sit, hearing the door close behind him. I lean back into the chair, still holding my arm to my chest. I flex my fingers, bringing my good hand up and wiping my face wit hthe back of my hand. When I inspect, I find the blood that I already knew was there, and sneer when I look down and realize that I have blood absolutely everywhere. I sigh and shake my head slightly, feeling pessimistic about my odds in my new faction. That is, if I even survive the initiation process.

As if on cue, Eric walks in, bringing a familiar face with him. I note that she was a previous co-worker to my mother, and smile politely at her, rising to my feet out of respect. She turns a tight smile to me, and comes forward, eyeing my mouth and hand with a critical eye.

"Maureen Ipkyss, my name is Shannon. How are you feeling today?" She asks politely. I scoff at her, and throw an irritated look towards Eric, only to be answered by a shrug and an amused expression as he leans up against the wall, eyes never leaving me. I sigh and smile politely back, groaning internally as I open my mouth, pain blossoming through my liips, fire burning through my face.

"Fine, got into some trouble during initiation." I answer, ignoring the pain radiating through multiple parts of my body. She merely nods and walks fowards, instantly checking out my lips first. She sighs as she gingerly pulls my top lip up, whistling under her breath. Her attention goes down as she checks my arm out, fingers prying my arm from my chest.

"Looks like some trouble." She mumbles, twisting my arm left and right. I hiss in pain, trying to retract my arm again, only for her fingers to tighten and a tight smile thrown my way. She continues to bend my arm, checking to see if its broken. She gives my arm back cautiously, turning back to Eric.

"Arm's not broken, she may need some stitches on her lip. She also may have a concussion, so she needs to be observed tonight. We can keep her here under observation, if you wanted." she informs him, voice sounding rushed. Eric waves her off as he stand to his full height, pushing himself off the wall he was previously leaning against.

"I'll take care of that. Just sew her up, if you can." Eric dismisses, eyes cold and hard, voice sharp. I drop my head in embarrassment, his disappointment going straight to my gut. I know that he expected more out of me, and it kills m that I think so highly of his opinion. I spare a glance up and watch him leave, his shoulders tense and pace fast as he starts out the door. He stops for a moment and turns slightly, eyes catching mine for a moment. "I'll be waiting in the lobby, Erudite." Eric informs, still avoiding my name. I send a tight smile his way, nodding curtly.

We all file out of, what is presumably Shannon's office, and she leads me to another area that is sectioned off with curtains. She nods towards a lone bed in the middle of a closed section, turning her back towards me to get all of her supplies ready. I climb up onto the bed and get comfortable, feet dangling softly off the edge of the bed. She turns to me, needle in hand and injects me with some sort of numbing medicine. I hiss in pain, the pinch of the needle piercing my sensitive skin hurting a bit more than I expected. I keep my eyes closed as she turns and gets the rest of the supplies, feeling some pressure as she wipes my lips tentatively. I feel the steady pressure and pull as she stitches my lip, five stitches in total before she ties it off and cuts the excess string. I hardly listen as I open my eyes, Shannon listing off some mind numbing medical jargon on my wounds. I nod along, pretending to listen, mind focusing on the throbbing physical pain along with the emotional.

I let Eric down today, and that feeling did not set well with me. I knew Eric held me to a different standard, but to myself this just proved that I am one step closer to being kicked out. I couldn't even last three minutes with a guy that was half the size of the others around here. How was I gonna get through the rest of my training? How was I going to bounce back from this?

I follow Shannon out, walking the way that I cam back out into the lobby. It doesn't take me long to spot Eric, his large body looking comical as he stuffed himself in a chair that looked three sizes too small, tablet in hand. His face was pulled into a scowl, but over the last few days, I noted that that is just how he looked nowadays. I take a moment and watch him, eyebrows pulled together, lips turned downwards, his fist up by his mouth as he chewed on his thumbnail. I giggle to myself, realizing that he still bit his nails. His nervous tick. What could the big bad Dauntless leader have to be nervous about? I slowly walk over to him, head feeling a bit dizzy as the sounds all blur together and rush past me. I stand to the left of him and dare to look over his shoulder, and at his tablet. He doesn't look up at me, but I assume that he feels my presence as his shoulders tense up more than they already were, and that was saying something. This boy had always been wound tight, now more than ever. I could almost see the tension build before my eyes before he he turns to look at me, bored expression on his face.

"You'll be staying with me tonight." He says offhandedly, as if something like this happens everyday as he stands to his full height. I nod wordlessly at him, lips still numb, a throbbing pain still echoing its way through my body. Eric doesn't make a comment on me being silent and goes to leave, assuming that I will follow him. I do, keeping up with him as he walks thoughthe halls, never bothering to look up from his precious tablet. I notice him not worry about other people, as if he already knows how the crowds part for him slightly as he walks through, as if he were a virus nobody wanteed to catch. I find myself smirking at the thought. Eric, the loud boisterous boy, has a whole faction scared shitless of him. Well, not the whole faction. He stops at an elevator and presses the call button, finally placing his tablet in the inside breast pocket of his jacket. He turns to see if I am still following, catching my eyes once more.

"I messaged Rylan. He's gonna meet us at my apartment," He explains as the elevator dings, alerting us to it's arrival. I nod and step into the elevator, slinking into a far corner. Eric simply steps in and stands before me, back turned towards me as he presses the number three, doors closing slowly as he clasps his hands in front of him, straightening his spine as he stands to his full height once more, feet shoulder width apart. Instead of up, the elevator starts going down, and another unpleasant feeling churns in my stomach. I grip the railing tightly, heart jumping into my throat. The ride is short lived, and I thank my lucky stars as the elevator comes to a stop. I rush myself past Eric, not caring if I bump into him or not. I am out of the elevator before him and I look left and right, taking in the surroundings around me. I obviously have no clue where I'm going and turn to the elevator, waiting for Eric to lead the way. He nods his head to the left, and I fall into a familiar step behind him, clearing my throat slightly.

"Why am I staying with you tonight?" I ask timidly, not liking the feel of the stitches pulling my lips as I talk. Instinctively, my tongue darts out to play with the thread in my lip, and I have to force myself to not run my tongue over my stitches repeatedly. Eric shrugs, throwing a dirty look over his shoulder.

"You're more than welcome to go back down to the initiates' quarters. Or go bug Four." He sneers, almost offended. I shake my head at him as he comes to a stop in front of a dark door. He turns with his back towards me, as I hear small beeps echo around us in the hallway. I look at the wall as he enters his code, almost offended that he feels the need to make an effort to hide the information. Does he not think that I'll look away, knowing how he likes his privacy? Did he really think that I would want to know his pass-code? I shake these ridiculous thoughts from my head, blaming the fight for my delirious thinking. Eric swings the door open and stands to the side, ushering me in before him. I walk ahead of him and take note of his living space, and smile to myself as I take in a familiar sight. Eric may look Dauntless, but his home screamed Erudite. Everything had its place, and every place had its thing. There were three tall book cases in his living room where a television would normally be held, not a single space left empty as it was fully crammed with books. There was a deep red couch sitting across from it, a small dark brown coffee table filled with manila folders and various loose papers covering the surface. On the couch was a fluffy blanket, and a single throw pillow, as if he had recently slept there. Next to the couch was a chair, the same color of the couch, which was occupied by a few shirts and coats, as he shed his current coat off and added it to the pile.

"Sorry for the mess." He apologizes, pushing past me as he heads to the kitchen. My eyes follow him before my feet carry me after him, eyes flashing down to his arms as he seems to relax, some of the earlier tension leaving his shoulders. His kitchen is just as clean as the living room, and I help myself to one of the stools by the counter. I shake my head with a small smile on my face, watching as he pulled a few select things from his cupboard.

"If this is messy, I'd hate to see it trashed." I comment, giggling slightly at the end of my sentence. I spy a small smile from Eric before he squashes it, a firm smirk taking it's place.

"Rylan will be here soon." Eric comments, seemingly making dinner. He pulls out enough for three servings, that I'm certain, as he nods his head behind him and to the right. "The shower is back there if you wanna get cleaned up. Or you can continue to to drip blood all over my floor." His eyes never leave the food in front of him, as I look down and find that there is a small blood trail following me to my spot. Heat rushes to my cheeks as I squeak out a thank you, going through the door he mentioned.

What he failed to tell me, was that I had to go through his bedroom to get to the bathroom. In the center of the room is a large bed, black sheets with red pillows. The bed is impeccably made, with his dresser and side table just as organized as everything else in his living space. Eric has always needed tight control over everything, which is why it didn't surprise me when I had heard that Eric became a leader of his faction. He always had to be the best, hold the highest position, in anything and everything that he did. He had to control everything, knowing what has happened, and what could happen. His mind was a complicated thing, one that I haven't thought much of these last three years, but finding that I missed it more than I could imagine. I walk over to his dresser, fingers running over the all too familiar wooden box, smiling softly as I remember teasing him relentlessly about keeping something so old. It was given to him by his grandfather, one of the only people who took an interest in him. His parents were never around, often shoving him into the arms of someone other than their own. I look over my shoulder, making sure that he's not standing there watching, knowing that that is a very Eric like thing to do. I turn and go to open the box, an action done many times in my childhood, when a faint knock in the distance makes me jump away, pulling my uninjured arm away from the box. Rylan must be here.

I shake my head slightly, throwing one last look at the bow before turning and heading to the bathroom, amazed by just how big he needed this place to be. There was a standing shower and a sink on one end, a lone toothbrush sitting on the counter. There was also a tub off to the side, shoved into the corner with towels placed on shelves lining the walls. I turn and make sure the door is shut behind me before I strip to my bra and underwear, walking over to the shower and turning it on. I make the water warm, letting it run for a moment watching the steam gather and start to fog the mirror before undressing completely and stepping into the hot spray. I moan in delight as the hot water makes contact with my skin, a copper color rushing down and pooling at my feet as the blood runs off of my body. The hot water is even better down here, relaxing the throbbing ache that has spread to every inch of my body, consuming me entirely. I take my time and relax as my hands rub up and down, pushing softly here and there prying the dried blood off of my sensitive skin. I watch as my normally fair skin turns a light pink from the temperature and my scrubbing, before looking around for some soap. I quickly do my buisness, wanting to get this over with and get some real rest. That couch did not look that uncomfortable. I rinse thoroughly and turn the water off, a satisfied noise passing my lips. I open the door and walk tentatively to the towels, grabbing one and wrapping it around me.

It suddenly dawns on my that I have no clean clothes to change into. My bra and underwear are clean, having only put them on this morning, but the rest of my clothes were blood stained. I pat myself down, throwing my hair up in the towel with a huff as I put my bra and underwear back on. I slink my way back into Eric's room, looking to see if he was in there. Not seeing him standing and being the creep-o that he is, I walk in his room and to his dresser, pulling some drawers open to try and find a shirt to wear. I am met by a sea of black, not all that surprised. I rifle through his drawer, looking for the softest feeling shirt. If I was going to go through his things and take what I wanted and risk getting my ass handed to me, I may as well make it worth my while. I finally come across what I was looking for, a shirt that was obviously well worn as the black was starting to fade into a lighter color, almost a grey if you held it up to the light He had obviously worn this shirt a lot in his time here. I shrug it on, and notice how the hem has fallen mid-thigh, showing a good amount of leg and not coming down far enough to cover my ass fully as I sat down. I close the open drawer before me, and open another, looking for some kind of pants to wear.

How lucky is it that the next drawer I open happen to be his underwear drawer. I slam that particular one shut, not finding the courage in myself to actually rifle through the specific drawer, making a mental not to never open it ever again. As I go to open the third drawer, I hear Eric and Rylan through the cracked door, and they both burst out into laughter. A smile touches my face as I not only hear them, but smell something delicious. I close the drawer absentmindedly, taking a deep sniff at whatever Eric decided to make. It didn't smell like the slop that they fed us down in the mess hall, and I suddenly felt my tummy rumble in hunger. No pants be damned, I fought as well as I was able, and man was I hungry. Before my newfound confidence left me, I walked out, head held high. Rylan was the first to notice me, a knowing smile gracing his lips as he took in my attire. I simply roll my eyes at him and walk towards him, sitting back on the stool that I had previously occupied, ignoring my brother's unspoken tease.

"Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to grace us with her magnificent presence." Rylan teases, an air of mischief around him. I narrow my eyes at him, not trusting his happiness. Rylan just smiles innocently back, taking a sip out of the beer bottle in his hand, one that I had just not registered. "You look like shit." He continues, laughing slightly to himself. I merely nod back at him, eyes leaving him and seeking out my host for the evening. Eric continues cooking, head looking up to grab some spices from his cupboard.

"Thanks." I say, sarcasm bleeding not only into my words, but contorting the small smile on my face. Eric scoffs slightly, a different kind of smirk on her face.

"Yeah, she got her ass kicked by Greyson." He answers offhandedly, eyes never leaving the task in front of him. Rylan nods at his explanation, finishing his beer. ric starts plating, putting just a tad bit more on one plate than the other two. He grabs two plates and turns, finally turning his eyes onto us. I grab the too-full plate from his hand, grab the fork and dive in. Eric had made some sort of chicken and rice dish. It was absolutely delicious. I inhale half of it before I stop, looking sheepishly at the two men who are staring at me, each with different levels of horror on their faces. I smile sheepishly back at them, swallowing the food in my mouth.

"This is really good." I compliment, smiling softly at Eric. I only get a grunt in response as he grabs his own dish and makes way to the coffee table. I turn back to my food, not taking offense to his lack of speaking, knowing not to take it personally. Eric was often a man of few words, and now seemed to be one of the times that he didn't deem his words necessary. I had come to notice that, around me, he didn't use his words often. Mostly gestures. I resume eating my food, at a slower pace this time. We eat in silence, the only sound is our forks hitting our plates and the occasional rustling of papers as Eric goes through his folder, sometimes taking time to write things down on some seemingly random pieces of paper. I finish my food, take my plate to the sink and wash it, placing it in the dish rack knowing that if I left it in the sink that I may anger my gracious host.

He could've left me to go back with the others. Or worse. He could've pawned me off to Four. But instead he brought me here, let me use his shower, and even made me food. The least that I could do is wash my plate. I finish what I'm doing and head to the living room, taking the towel off of my hair and placing it on the chair as I pass it, eyes staying on the bookshelves in front of me.

My fingers trail the spines of the books in my reach, my head tilting as I read some of the titles, not recognizing any of them off of the top of my head. I grab one book, _A Touch of Judas,_ and I turn as I open the cover, falling down beside Eric on the couch. He doesn't look up from his paperwork, merely handing my the blanket stuffed between us. I grab it, giving him a small thanks as I wrap myself in the blanket, reading the first page in his book. Rylan eventually joins us, sitting between us, grabbing my legs and throwing them over his lap.

A rush of memories, all happy, flow through my mind at the simple action. A feeling of de ja vu spreading through me as we all do our own things: Rylan on his tablet, Eric his paperwork and me the book. There were many times Rylan and I would go to Eric's house, or vice versa, and we would simply exist for hours, all consumed in our tasks. Before I can begin to think of any more pleasant memories, my eyes grow heavy, and start to shut on their own accord.

I don't know the exact moment that I fell asleep, but I do know that I haven't felt this happy within the last three years.

A/N: Sorry if this is too long. I am drunk and writing. Thank you for your kind reviews, it gives me a bit more confidence when I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm trying to fill in some back space before moving forward, and I hope that you all like this addition. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you all have a good night!


	3. Chapter 3

"Maureen? Mo, you nee' ta wakey-wakey." Rylan slurs, his alcoholic breath hitting my face. I groan and throw my arm over my eyes, a searing pain shooting around my head. "Maureen, you h've ta wake up or Imma take you in." He continues, alcohol thick in his voice. I throw my arm off and glare at him, pain fueling my actions.

"You're gonna end up in the infirmary yourself if you don't let me get some _fucking_ sleep." I shoot back, pain shooting through my lips as I talked, glaring at my offending brother. Gingerly, my tongue sneaks out and traces my stitches. I almost forgot that I had these put in. Rylan sways as he holds the back of the couch, glaring right back at me.

"Well, excuse the fuck outta me if I care about your bitch ass." Rylan spits, seeming to sober up some at my insult. I huff and lat back down on Eric's couch, grabbing the blanket that had pooled around my waist and pulling up my shoulder as I close my eyes and try to resume my sleep. I stretch my feet out, and come into contact with something. Or should I say, someone. I take a peek, dread filling my stomach as I come to realize that my feet were in my trainer's lap.

And I was in his apartment. Snapping at his best friend.

 _Shit._

I notice the beer in Eric's hand, the small smile on his face that he doesn't try to hide as he is slightly inebriated. He pushes my feet off of him gently, a lot more gently than if he had been sober. He pulls the blanket down quickly, throwing it over his side of said couch.

"You have a concussion, initiate. You need to stay up for a bit." He says in my direction, as his focus goes back to his never-ending paperwork, losing his softness as he directs his words at me. I sigh as I sit up, throwing a glare at Rylan as he stands behind me, a smirk so smug it would rival Eric's. I roll my eyes at him as I sit up, looking around for a time. My eyes land on the oven clock just as I'm about to ask. 11:43 the dead green lights read, and I'm taken aback at just how little sleep they had so graciously gave me.

"You know, if I have a brain injury I should be _resting_ to get better." I mumble half-assedly, eyes closing as I lay my head back onto his couch. "Especially with all of the strenuous activity." I add opening my eyes and staring at Eric, trying to make a compelling case to slip back off into a world of purple paper flowers with soft breezes and skies of pink candy. A place away from here, Eric scoffs from beside me, arm going to rest on the back of the couch as he leans back, his right foot coming up to rest on his left knee as he takes a relaxed pose on the couch, a touch of mirth in his eyes as he looks at me skeptically.

"If there is a concussion, which I'm pretty _damn sure_ there is, then the bleeding in your brain, no matter how small, would make it impossible for you to wake up." He rattles off, taking a gulp of his beer as he finishes. I smirk as I see an opening for my case. not backing down even though I know how right he is.

"Obviously, there's no bleeding, boy genius," I fire back, smirking proudly. "you guys woke me up from a dead sleep. I don't have a concussion. Case closed."

"No, you were only out for thirty minutes, tops. That doesn't count. Your body has to be asleep for forty-five minutes to an hour to reach REM sleep." He counters, a knowing smirk on his lips. I sigh and the smirk falls from my face, defeated as I can no longer fight his logic.

"But, I'm _tired_." I try, wondering if this will get me anywhere. Apparently not as Eric shakes his head at me, taking yet another gulp as he finishes the beer in hand.

"Me too. Maybe we can keep each other up seeing as _someone_ is already passed out." Eric comments, pointing his empty beer bottle behind me. I turn and look, auburn hair swinging past me face at the sudden motion. Behind me is Rylan, passed out on the floor with my stolen blanket. I sigh, feeling a wave of jealousy as I watch his sleep induced features, laughing slightly as I watch his lips part and he starts to drool. "Be a good girl, fetch me a beer will you?" I hear from beside me, a mocking tone in his voice. Any happiness that was lingering left as I hear his tone of voice, commanding and cold once more. I roll my eyes and mock him as I walk into the kitchen, opening the fridge as I look for the beer.

I take a second to look in his fridge, kind of wondering for a fleeting moment what a guy like Eric eats around here. I had seen the food in the mess hall, and was not impressed by what was down there. A lot of food there had lots of empty calories, very fattening if you ate more than a recommended serving. Most times, I went hungry around here. Maybe my life in Erudite had been a bit too pampered, always having healthier foods at my disposal. I see that Eric has not left the world of healthy eating, seeing lots of protein and veggies in his fridge. I get jealous as I see that he has a small collection of fruits, looking rather delicious. The deep red of a strawberry looks tempting enough to grab, but I know better than to piss him off more than he already is. I sigh as I look in the door of the fridge and find what I came here to grab.

I slink back over to his royal highness, plop myself down closer to him with a sigh, and shove the beer in his direction. He had changed his seating position, from relaxed to formal. Both feet were planted on the ground, elbows resting on his knees as his back was hunched over. There was no thanks thrown in my direction, no recognition as he grabs the alcohol from my hand. He twists the top off and takes a long drink, eyes never leaving the paper in front of him. I look over tentatively at him, studying him as he does his paperwork. His jaw flexes on reflex, feeling my stare on him. He refuses to stop what he's doing, eyes scanning over the paper quickly as he reads the content. I lean forwards, pushing my luck, as I try to read what he's doing. I watch as he brings the bottle to his lips, taking another greedy glug. His throat moves as he swallows, head thrown back as he drinks. My mind flashes to his last night in Erudite with me, the night before his choosing day. A pleasant shock floods my senses, going straight to my core, as I think of that night. His head thrown back, eyes closed in pleasure as my name slipped past his lips in a hushed tone. I had never heard anyone else say my name the way he did in that moment, almost like a prayer. My memories are cut short as he clears his throat, glaring at me slightly.

"Haven't you ever been told that staring is rude?" Eric asks, tone not so polite. I smile softly at him, the fire dimming some at the cold look placed back into his eyes.

"Why don't you call me by my name?" I ask quietly, brown eyes staring into liquid silver. My question seems to throw him off guard. His lips purse themselves into a grimace as he mulls over my question, eyes as hard as ever. I can see him mentally calculate his answer, his Erudite showing through in the smallest of ways.

"Why are you answering my question with a question?" He questions back, eyebrow raising slightly as he takes yet another drink of his beer, effectively finishing it in his last swig. I roll my eyes as I grab it from him and stand, walking back to the kitchen to grab him another one. Maybe if I get him drunk enough he won't have the ability to think through his answers, and will just answer me honestly.

"You know, I could ask you the same thing. And yes. I have been told that it's rude to stare." I retort, walking back with another beer. Eric simply grunts, opens his beer and immerses himself back into his papers. I sigh as I look around, looking for something, anything, to do. "Do you get the Erudite papers?" I ask quietly, not trying to piss him off more. He merely waves his hand in the direction of his room, eyes never leaving the task in front of him. I walk in that general direction, eyes searching for the item. I cautiously walk into his room, and walk to his bedside table. I open the first drawer, seeing as the top was pleasantly bare. I rifle through the items, trying not to take notice of what he deemed important enough to keep close to him as he slept. I saw the paper pushed to the back, and grab it, slamming the drawer as I feel tempted to run my fingers back through the drawer, feeling the need to analyze every new aspect of his life here.

I walk back out into the living area, on a new quest to find a pen. There were word puzzles in the papers, ones that are usually given to children to do to keep them entertained while the parents read the 'important news' the editors sent to our homes. I give up a few minutes into my search, feeling a bit intrusive. Maybe going through all of his drawers the first time I come into his apartment is a bad idea. Then again, if he had minded, he would've gotten up and grabbed the paper for me himself. Instead of over thinking the situation, I turn and walk back to the couch, sitting down carefully. I grab the fallen book that I was reading earlier as I sit back, becoming comfortable. I sit close enough to chat quietly with him if necessary, but far enough for there to be a comfortable space between us.

"Do you have an extra pen?" I ask quietly, almost hesitant to break his attention away from the pile of papers in front of him. A pile that was slowly growing smaller and smaller with each pass he made at it, a pile next to it growing bigger and bigger. Eric sighs and hands me the one in his hand, taking another swig of his beer. I grab the pen with a small thanks, eyes returning to the paper in front of me. I scan the puzzle quickly, filling in a few obvious answers here in there.

What is the square root of 81? 9.

What is the outermost layer of the Earth? Crust.

What is a five-letter word meaning "to surpass"? Outdo.

What is a six-letter word meaning "a wise and faithful teacher, guide, and friend"? Mentor.

I get stumped on a particular question, and sigh in annoyance. From my peripheral vision, I see Eric shoot a curious glance in my direction, and I ignore him. Maybe then he will know how it feels when someone ignores him. I sit there for a long moment, racking my brain for an answer. When it's obvious that I am not going to come up with it on my own, I turn towards him slightly.

"What is a 10-letter word meaning 'of barbarous, uncouth, and unfamiliar aspect or action'?" I ask quietly, bringing my eyes up to Eric. His eyes don't leave the paper, but they stop scanning the words in front of him as he pauses to think, brain mentally going through a mental dictionary that I know is hidden up in the deep recesses of his mind. It takes him a moment until a smug grin escapes and captures his features.

"Outlandish." He replies, eyes holding every bit of confidence. I smile softly and nod him my thanks, focus returning to the paper in front of me as I write in his answer, fully confident in him and his mind.

I flip through and find the sudoku puzzle, noticing that Eric had started this one, but never got around to finishing it. Obviously not, if that pile in front of him was a regular for him. He would never have the time to finish such a trivial pastime. I take not of his start, and notice a few things right off of the bat. First, was that his handwriting was exactly the same. Fives almost looking like S's. eights are two circles placed one on top of the other, sixes having a little too long of a tail that sneaks out. The second, was that he was still as prepared as ever, if not more. In multiple boxes were smaller numbers. written in pencil. There was even a smaller version of the smae puzzle that he had made himself, that he was putting random answers into to see if they had fit, if they were correct. I smile fondly as I start the puzzle.

"What has you so happy over there?" I hear a deep voice ask. I ignore him once again, eyes not leaving the puzzle as I add in a nine in one box, only for Eric to 'tsk' my way. "There's a nine three boxes above that, in the same row." He continues. I look over and see him leaning closer to me, eyes looking over my shoulder. I scoff and smirk at him, secretly hoping that I look just as confident as he does.

"One that was wrongly put there, by _you_." I answer, moving the puzzle so he can see it better. His eyes instantly flash down as he rakes over the paper, and I'm momentarily worried that it will turn to flames in my hands under his scrutiny. I openly watch him with a proud smirk on my face as he comes to the realization that he had been wrong. I sear that moment into my brain, hoping to remember it forever. The youngest eader in Dauntless, the person who had so many people afriad of him, the man that was convinced that he would never be loved, the man that had somehow living his life as if his own shit don't stink, had been wrong.

Maybe he was human, and not a robot after all.

Eric just huffed as he sat back, not saying a word to me, or sparing me a glance. I turn my attention back to my puzzle, letting him stew in himself. It wasn't everyday that Eric Coulter had to come to terms that even he could be wrong sometimes. That he was human. I wait a minute, a question still laying heavily on my mind, Maybe now he would answer me.

"Why haven't you called me by my name since I've transferred here?" I ask quietly. Almost too quietly. For a moment, I don't think he heard me. When I spare a glance at him, I see that he definitely did hear me, by the way his body had seemingly tensed up and had turned away from me slightly, chugging the rest of his almost-warm beer. I turn my attention back to my puzzle, hoping that I didn't make him too angry. Maybe I should've just asked Rylan in the morning, or never uttered the question.

It wasn't like I cared too much, but a part of me did. Oh, _God_ , did it care. Yes, I was an initiate. But I was also Maureen. _His_ Maureen, whom he had a past with. Someone that he cared about. Or, _had_ cared about at one point. I hear him sigh beside me as he stands, back and knees popping as he stands to his full height, arms raising to stretch as he walks towards the kitchen. He throws the bottle into the garbage, the loud clink of bottle hitting bottle making me jump, the ferocity of his actions throwing me off guard.

"Why did you hesitate in your sparring match today?" He asks as he raids his fridge, not bothering to turn to me as he opens his beer and chugs part of it, letting the fridge close as he drinks. I scoff and turn around as the words leave his mouth, anger rising through my body.

"Excuse me? _One_ , that whole thing was over in less than three minutes," I rant, voice raising a pitch in octave as I start to get upset. I am turned around fully now, facing him with a face red full of anger, all directed at him. " _two_ , that match was unfairly set to begin with. _Three_ , there was no time for me to hesitate. I punched him once, he got me a few times, then he threw me down and I tapped out because he about broke my fucking arm! _Where was the hesitation?!_ " I ask incredulously, arms raising at the end of my rant to try and add to my point, puzzle laying on the floor long forgotten. Eric laughs humorlessly as he turns towards me, eyes still as hard and cold as ever. He was back into his leadership-mode, and I hated how, for once, he couldn't just give me a straight answer. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to change the subject.

"That match was not unfair. You both have had the same amount of training, the same amount of time to hone your techniques against each other." He explains, avoiding his mishap over the hesitation. He knew I was right, he had moved onto a different point that he could exploit, trying to keep the topic changed.

"Why haven't you called me by my name?" I ask stubbornly, eyes hard as I refuse to let him have his way. Leadership be damned, this man owed me an explanation on a personal level, and I would not let this opportunity pass me by. Eric slams his beer onto the counter, but I stand my ground. I expected an explosive outburst. He wasn't getting his way, I hadn't let him change the topic. He was getting antsy. Irritated.

"Why tap out? Why not try and think your way out? Why _give up_?" He continues, not letting it go. I shake my head as I rise from the couch, a humorless smile making it's way onto my lips.

"No, Eric. Why haven't you said my name the entire time that I have been in this damn complex?" I ask, my own irritation coming through my words as he refuses to answer my question. Eric takes a few steps towards me, trying to bully me into submission. That might work with me in the training room, where he could pull rank and physically intimidate me. Here, now, he was just my brother's best friend, a man that I had known for the majority of my life. Someone who would never physically hurt me, no matter what came out of my mouth, no matter what was said or done.

Or so I thought.

Before I know what's happening, he grabs my arm in a bruising grip, and I know that I had pushed too far. I had been a bit too stubborn. His nose flares in controlled anger as he stands impossibly close, pulling me to him in a quick motion. I can see the alcohol swirling in his features, smell it on his breath as he takes a moment to compose himself, grip tightening slightly as he sees that I am not backing down.

"I have said you're name, just not in front of _you._ " He relents, giving me a veiled answer. Handing over enough information to keep me quiet. Compliant. I nod slightly at him as my gaze drops to the floor, regretting pushing him so far.

I don't know how long we stand there like that, becoming comfortable in each other's presence once more. Eric is the first to break away, stepping around me to resume his place at the couch, beer long forgotten on the counter. I stand in the same position as I cross my arms over my chest, eyes never leaving his floor as different thoughts race through my mind, trying to find a connect to it all.

He had said my name.

Maybe to Four, only because he had too. They were training the class together, I had to have come up at some point. He could've easily went through that conversation, gliding over my name in passing. He could've brought me up to Rylan, and the thought makes me blush slightly. There was always the possibility they have talked about me. Then there was to the other leaders, again under the premise of training. But then there was the curious part of his admission. '...Just not in front of you'. Why not? For what reason would there to be to not utter someone's name in front of them? Was it because he thought less of me, seeing as I was an initiate? Was it out of disdain over me as a person? The situation that I had put us in by transferring? Was is because he missed me? Was it because the last time he uttered my name in front of me was in the throws of passion? Did he not want to ruin it? Why was this important to me in the first place? It was a stupid name, one that I had dispised for the majority of my childhood. So many questions, so many scenarios ran through my mind, one by one. I get pulled from my thoughts by said man clearing his throat at me once more. I snap my head in his direction, arms still crossed.

"I can hear you thinking all the way over here." He admits, eyes flashing to the arm that he had grabbed for a split second, a small frown etching onto his face as his eyes collide with mine again, and unreadable emotion flashing through his eyes for a moment. "Get your ass over here before you burn a hole in my floor." He mutters almost angrily.

 _Almost_. It takes a trained ear, but I can almost hear the _guilt_ in his statement as his eyes flash to my arm once again before he turns around. I wait until he's fully turned before looking down at my arm, seeing the still-red mark from where his hand had met my arm moments before. I sigh as I walk back to the couch, relenting as I fall by him on the couch, close enough to rest my head on his shoulder. He tenses as my head rests on him, but doesn't shrug me off like he normally would. Maybe he does feel guilty.

Once again, my eyes close with a sigh as the tired feeling consumes me, pulling me under into a dark, quiet place. A place filled with cold eyes, once bright with happiness. A place where my questions didn't go unanswered.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't think twice as I throw the blanket off of me, and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Not a second thought crosses my mind as I stumble into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me as I walk to the toilet, hand sneaking it's way to my face to gingerly run over the stitches in my top lip. I don't even recognize the shower running, or the clothes on the floor as I use the restroom, eyes falling shut as I sit there, not fully awake.

The shower turns off as I finish, stand and wipe, as I walk over to the counter, washing my hands. I stop for a moment, taking in the fog on the mirror, and I turn slowly, eyes wide, as I look at the clothes on the floor, all black and official looking. And I walked in from the bedroom? I look over at the shower, Eric's head poking out of the glass shower door filled with steam, smirk in place as the water drips off of his head onto his shoulders.

"If you wanted to see me naked, you could've just asked." He says cockily as he goes to open the door fully and step out. I quickly cover my eyes with my hands as I turn around, cheeks flushing a dark crimson.

"I am so sorry! I just woke up." I utter quickly, Eric laughing at my expense. Asswipe. He continues to laugh at me as I stumble through the bathroom, tripping slightly on his pants on the floor. He grabs me by my elbows and ushers me to the door.

"It's not like it's anything that you haven't seen before." He teases, and I swear that I can hear the smirk in his voice. I shake my head with a small smile, laughing slightly as I know that he's right.

"Just because you can, doesn't mean that you should." I scold, tone light as I feel the carpet between my toes. I drop my hands from my eyes and pounce on my previous spot on his bed, trying not to think twice as I pull the covers up, attempting to ignore my sleeping brother's snores as I close my eyes and slip back into a peaceful sleep. I push away the flutter in my stomach as I breathe in the scent of Eric through his pillow and blanket, relaxing even more into the soft sheets, feeling more comfortable in this moment than I have the entire time since I transferred five days ago.

* * *

I wake this time a bit more aware of my surroundings, and alone in Eric's bed. I lay there and listen. I hear no shower running. I smile a bit to myself as I remember the first time that I had woken u this morning. For a moment, Eric was acting like his younger self. Even if it was for a split moment, he was happy, and it made me happy that I had brought that out of him. Someone smacks the door hard, and I jump up in surprise, only for the door to open to reveal a smug looking Rylan, laughing a bit as he sees my wide eyes.

"Scare you?" He asks innocently, acting as if he didn't just try to wake me up by smacking the door. I sneer at him for a moment before I lay back down, refusing to leave my warm sanctuary between the covers. "Come on, get up." Rylan insists, smacking my legs through the blankets. I groan as I snuggle into Eric's pillow, slyly breathing his scent in deep.

"I have recently gained the bed's trust. If I get up now, I may lose all progress made and they will never allow me back into their habitat." I rattle off mostly into the pillow, voice slightly muffled, eyes closing as I relax into the warmth they provided. Rylan scoffs from beside me. He must not find my excuse valid.

"Too bad that's not my problem. Ass out of bed. It's breakfast time, and if you don't hurry Eric will have your ass in training." Rylan continues, smacking my body repeatedly, first my legs slowly getting closer to my butt. I sigh in annoyance, finally getting up, Rylan stops me as I go to walk past him, eyes on the arm that Eric grabbed last night. I instantly go to rack my brain for an explanation, not wanting to throw his friend under the bus.

"That wasn't there when I got here last night." Rylan says to my arm, hand grabbing my elbow, moving my arm to-and-fro, inspecting my arm with a critical eye. I simply look at him with a neutral expression, mentally freaking out.

"Yes it was." I answer, ripping my arm from his grasp, eyes going down for their own inspection. There was a nice hand shaped bruise, and you could see each individual finger's mark on my pale skin. I frown a bit as I lie to Rylan for Eric, a pit forming in my stomach. Rylan just purses his lips and stares at me as I go to walk past him again, not stopping me but following as I walk into the kitchen. There are clean clothes on the counter with a piece of paper on it, Initiate written in Eric's handwriting. I pick up the paper and glare at it, knowing that he wrote that on purpose over the fact that I pushed him too far last night.

Asshole.

I grab the clothes, putting the pants on quickly before taking my shirt off, my side feeling a bit sore as I stretch my arms over my head as I throw my shirt across the room. If he wanted to be petty and annoying, then I could play the same game. I quickly pull the new black shirt back on, glaring down as I see just howl ow cut this shirt is, it shows my black sports bra underneath, giving everyone a nice view of my boobs. What an asshole.

"I would've remembered that being there." Rylan continues, eyes never leaving my arm as he scrunches his face into a look of concentration. I huff at him, getting impatient with his incessant questions.

"Well, you were already drinking when you got here. You passed out like an hour after you arrived, you were pretty wasted. I'm sure a little bruise slipped your mind." I explain, trying to believe every word that comes out of my mouth. The best lie is the one that you yourself believe. Rylan's green eyes look from my arm to my face, trying to come to his own conclusion. He just stands there and stares at me, and I grow even more impatient, wanting him to drop the subject entirely. "Look, I'm already late. I gotta go. I'll sit with you at dinner?" I ask, hoping that he will take the bait. Rylan simply sighs and nods his head. "The bruise really was there when you got here." I mutter as I walk to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. Rylan embraces me tightly, kissing the top of my head.

"If you say so. I'll see you for dinner." Rylan relents, letting me go while shoving me to the couch. "Get your boots on, hurry up." He orders, a commanding tone to his voice. I giggle softly as I throw my shoes on and run after him out the door. The walk to the elevator is taken in comfortable silence, and I'm grateful that he dropped the subject of my bruise. I didn't want to come in between two friends like that. It just wasn't worth it.

When we enter the mess hall, Rylan smiles fondly at me before parting ways, heading over to sit with the rest of the leaders. I walk over and get a tray, going to sit with the other annoying initiates. I sit between Amity boy and Abnegation girl, seeing as that was the only spot left. I start to eat my food in peace when Amity clears his throat.

"Hi, I'm Jakob." He introduces, smiling softly at me. I smile back and finish chewing my food, recognizing him as the boy who laughed at Eric on the first day, the boy that I had been training with. I just realized that I never got his name, and not any of the others. I must really be too much in my head to not notice their names.

"I'm Maureen." I respond respectfully, taking in his features. He must've gotten his hair cut, because I could hardly recognize him. His hair was a lighter color, almost a dirty blonde color. His eyes were a bright blue, almost like ice, vibrant against his tan skin from working on the farm. His face had a warmth to it, one that I could soon see fading. No one kept their softness here.

I turn and look at the girl, and am suddenly filled with envy.

She was gorgeous. Her skin was pale, the same shade as mine. Her hair was a dark chocolate, framing a small face. She had a button nose, high cheekbones and full lips. I instantly think of my own features, and feel a bit of self confidence dropping. I wasn't considered beautiful, in fact some might call me mediocre. My nose was a tad too big, my eyes a bit small compared to the rest of my face and a forehead that stuck out, one Eric had once called a fivehead because of how big it was. We did share a few features, the full lips and pale skin. Her eyes were almost a golden honey color, adding to her beauty where mine were a dark chocolate, almost black if you weren't looking hard enough. Rylan always said that my eyes looked better in the sunlight, more defined and lighter in color. I'm pulled out of my thoughts as she speaks, her voice reminding me of bells chiming.

"My name's Keenan." She answers, a bright smile taking over her features. I smile softly back at her, lusting over her smile and beautiful features.

"It's nice to meet you both." I answer, taking another bite of my food, trying to ignore the dread building in my stomach. Keenan smiles even brighter, looking almost proud of herself.

"Does your face hurt?" Jakob asks from beside me, tearing my attention from the small girl beside me. I shrug as I take another bite, fingers from my left hand coming up to trace the stitches.

"It's more annoying than anything." I admit after I swallow, eyes cast downwards.

"I didn't see you come back to the room. Did you stay overnight in the infirmary?" Keenan asks, voice airy and light as she asks such an innocent question. My eyes move over to my arm as I remember last night, a heavy sigh leaving my lips as dread continues to flow through my veins.

"No, I spent last night with my brother. I can't stand infirmaries or hospitals." I lie. Well, it wasn't a total lie. Rylan was there in Eric's room, he was just sleeping. And I really couldn't stand hospital settings. Our mother basically raised us in the hospital she worked in. Keenan simply nods at me, smiling sympathetically at me.

"This is more brutal than I expected." Keenan continues, pushing the food around on her plate. I nod in agreeance, only for Greyson to scoff down the table, glaring straight at me.

"You're brother is a Dauntless member?" He asks incredulously, sounding offended. I merely stare at him, not feeling the need to confirm nor deny his question. I had just said that I stayed with my brother, what other kind of explanation did he need? "Isn't that unfair?" He continues, glare intensifying. This boy ain't got nothing on Eric on a good day. "Did he help you last night?" He interrogates, trying to be intimidating in his stance and tone. I simply stare at him, refusing to let him bully me. If I can stand up to Eric, than I can stand up to anybody, arrogant little boys included.

"That's none of your damn business." Four comes to my rescue from behind me. I don't know how long he had been standing there, but I'm glad that he said something before I did. If I had answered him, it would've only angered him, and he already thinks that he's better than me because of yesterday. I have to find a way to bounce back from this. "Training room. Now." His voice is curt as he walks away. I get up instantly and throw the remainder of my food away and shove my tray on a table next to Rylan, smiling softly at him as I pass quickly. I jog to the training room, already regretting getting out of bed this morning as I walk in and see Eric. He looks up from what he was doing, and the images from this morning in his bathroom comes flooding to my mind. He smirks cockily in my direction as our eyes meet, and a blush rises to my cheeks as I put my head down and walk towards Four on the opposite side of the room. I feel his stare on me as I stand a comfortable distance away from Four, ready for instruction.

"Alright, everyone listen up!" Four yells, trying to stop the surrounding chatter. Once we are quiet, he starts pacing in front of us, looking over the small crowd in front of him. "This is a very small group this year, which means that more will be expected out of you for obvious reasons. We will be breaking off into even smaller groups, to meet our new quota that was given to us this morning." Four informs us, not looking too happy as he lifts a piece of paper slightly into the air. I don't know if it's from the situation, or if that was just the look he had plastered on his face for the rest of his life, but I was regretting my decision to become Dauntless right then and there. They wanted more out of us because our group was smaller? Makes logical sense, but I wasn't going to admit to that out loud. "The groups are as follows," He continues, looking down at the papers in front of him, "Maureen, Keenan, Greyson, and Jaxon are with Eric, the rest are with me. Good luck." Four finishes, turning his back to us and walking to the punching bags.

My eyes search out Keenan, and I turn to see her already standing next to me. It's in that moment that I noticed how wrong my assumption was on her being small, I had just noticed quite the opposite, seeing how small I am compared to her. She is skinny and taller than I expected, standing at a nice five foot six, making my five foot two frame look smaller than I already was.

I smile encouragingly at her apprehensiveness as we walk towards Eric and his table of torture elements, silently seething at how Greyson was placed in my group. I couldn't get away from him even if I tried. I look over at the other boy in our group, remembering him as another boy from Amity. Jaxon was tall and built well, his time on the farm had definitely worked for him. His skin was just as tan as Jakob's, if not a bit more copper. His hair was a dark brown, with small dark eyes to match giving him an almost sinister look. That melted as soon as he flashed a warm smile to Keenan and I. When he turned, I had notices how his features were hard set into a small grimace, years of glaring in the hot sun.

"Initiates, welcome to the real hell." Eric greets as we walk closer. I grimace at him, groaning a bit as I slouch some, crossing my arms over my chest. Today really wasn't my day. From the tone of his voice, I knew he was going to work us down to nothing, just to build us back up. Making us soldiers. Great. "While Four and his group are continuing with hand-to-hand, we will be covering knives." He continues, turning his back on us as he turns to the table, grabbing a handful of different knives. "Normally, we would just cover throwing knives, but since this group is so small..." He trails off, eyes flitting around the group, avoiding my gaze. "Watch carefully, I'm only gonna say this once. This is a normal blade." He lifts up a particular knife before handing it to his left, gesturing for us to pass it around. "A normal blade has a curving edge and a flat back. A dull back lets the wielder use fingers to concentrate force. It also makes the knife heavy and strong for its size." he rattles off, face looking bored. The knife makes it's way to me. I grab it from Keenan and turn it over and back and forth, surprised by how heavy it felt in my grasp. "The curve concentrates force on a small point, making cutting easier. This knife can chop as well as pick and slice." He finishes, holding up a second knife as I pass the normal blade to Greyson, taking a step towards Keenan as I don't trust Greyson for the life of me, or anyone around me for that matter. He isn't stupid enough to try anything in front of Eric, and I breathe a little bit easier at the thought.

"What I'm handing around now is a trailing-point curved blade." He grabs the knife from Greyson aggressively after he gave the newest blade to Jaxon. "A curved trailing-point knife has a back edge that curves upwards. This lets a lightweight knife have a curve on its edge. Such a knife is optimized for slicing or slashing. Trailing-point blades provide a larger cutting area, or belly, and are common on skinning knives." He explains as the knife is passed around like before. We go through two or three more, the information he is throwing at us a bit overwhelming. I keep up as much as I can, drinking in every word and expression. It was clear as day in this lesson how Erudite Eric was, choosing to teach by mouth instead of example first, informing us on what types of blades were out there and their uses.

After our seemingly short lesson, a total of five blades explained, he walks over to the table, expecting us to follow. He picks up a throwing blade and brings the blade back, throwing it effortlessly at the target in front of him, blade landing in the center. He turns with a smug smirk on his face, hands clasping behind his back.

"Find a target and start throwing. No one leaves until all of you can hit the middle every time."

"Does that smirk ever leave his face?" Keenan asks, glowering his way as he walks away towards Four, probably to irritate him. It had become apparent to me how Four was probably his least favorite person here, and that made me curious as to what the hell Four did to piss Eric off so much. I smile softly as I tear my eyes from his retreating back, placing my thoughts on hold, and look at my new friend.

"When he's relaxed." I answer innocently, turning as I pick up a knife and feeling the weight in my hand. I take a stance similar to the one Eric had and throw the knife at the target, ego deflating as it falls to the floor in a clank, the hilt of the blade coming into contact with the target instead of the blade. I sigh as I pick up another knife, placing the blade in my palm gently as I pull my arm back, throwing it harder this time at said target. This time, the tip of the blade sticks the target, but falls to the ground. Poopie. I hear Keenan make a weird noise beside me, and I turn to look at her, wondering if she was okay.

"How do you know that?" She asks, eyes on me, all three of her knives untouched on the table. I giggle quietly as I pick up my last knife, weighing it my hand as I debate telling her.

"I've known Eric for years. He and my brother are best friends." I answer honestly, not finding it in my to lie to such a person. Keenan smiles at my honesty as she picks up a knife of her own. She weighs it carefully before chucking it, the knife sticking on the fourth ring on the target.

"You lucky bitch." I mutter, eyes widening slightly in disbelief. Keenan just smiles and eagerly picks up a second one, throwing it once more. This knife lands on the third ring this time, and I stare in disbelief. I throw my own knife in slight annoyance, wondering just where she got so lucky. First the beauty, now the training. My own knife sticks this time, but not in the lines in the target. I sigh in frustration as I walk to the target, picking up the fallen knives, and grabbing the lone knife stuck in my target. I walk back to my table, setting them down with a clank.

I don't know when Eric comes back, but it seems like forever that he's gone. In that time, I had gotten the knives to stick on the target half of the time, slowly getting closer to the center of the target with each throw. I feel strong familiar hands grab my waist and rearrange my stance as I hold another knife, poised to throw. He adjusts my shoulders next, his foot coming to kick my foot in about an inch before grabbing my hand, showing me a proper follow through as he helps me throw the knife, his chest pressed against my back, no space between us as the knife flies through the air. It stuck, int the center no less, with a pleasant 'thud'. There are no words spoken between us as he leaves as suddenly as he appeared, walking over to criticize Jaxon next to Keenan. I smile to myself as I mimic the corrected stance Eric had just showed me, bringing my hand back and throwing the knife the same way.

It accompanied the knife in the center, the noise it made as it embedded itself into the target echoing through my head as I turn to Keenan, a large smile on me face. Keenan smiles at my victory, throwing one of her knives, hitting the center herself.

My throws continue to hit center as I practice in the stance that I had now grown accustomed to. Before I know it, Eric is congratulating us, and moving on to the next task. We rotated with Four's class, jogging around the room in a warm up exercise before reporting back to Eric, all of us sweaty and out of breath before he puts us to the real work.

"Girls, boys, practice sparring." Are his only instructions. I turn to Keenan, arms raised in a defensive stance as she does the same. We go back and forth hitting our forearms, practicing blocking each other as the boys do what ever the boys do. Eric walks between us, eyeing us carefully as he gives us pointers and insults in equal amount.

I try not to let him get to me, but I can't figure for the life of me how this man changes his mood so fast. From angry, to playful, then serious and cold. He was unstable, like a hurricane. Unpredictable and destroying anyone and anything in his path. I find myself lost in thought as he speaks, his words floating around me, but never registering in my mind. I just follow Keenan as my mind continues thinking of our leader and instructor. Eric notices the glazed look in my eye and walks, or should I say stalks, over to me, bending slightly s he comes down to my eye level.

"Am I boring you, initiate?" He asks, voice cold and eyes hard as his molten grey eyes clash with my dark brown ones. I shake my head no, hair swaying to-and-fro from the action. "Good." He replies, walking away as he continues his rant on fighting, the rules and just exactly what we are evaluated on, something Four had gone over the beginning of initiation.

"First jumper, last jumper. In the ring." Eric instructs, and I sigh loudly at the dejavu moment happening. Not again. "Something the matter, Erudite?" He asks innocently, head cocked to the side.

"No, sir." I answer, stepping on to the mat. Greyson walks up the opposite side, rolling his shoulders back as he looks at me with the same sinister expression as the day before. This was not going to be fun.

"Remember, no hesitation." Eric goads from the safety of the sidelines. My head snaps to him, and I send him a glare, not enjoying his slight teasing. He merely smirks innocently my way, a look of mischief in his eye. I turn my attention towards my opponent, taking a deep breath as I get down into a defensive stance.

The only way that I can see myself winning this, was if I used my size and speed against his strength. Eric calls out the fight and Greyson rushes me, catching me off guard as he simply lifts me into the air and slams me on the mat. He drops to his knees with me, hovering over me as he punches at my face. I bring my knees and pelvis off of the floor, arms covering my face as I attempt to roll him off of me.

Instead of rolling away from him, I start to turn us over, but he rocks us back, keeping me on my back. I take a breath as he continues to hit my arms, trying to break the cage and bash in my face. I rock us harder, effectively throwing him off balance mid punch, him rolling onto his back below me. I take this time to give him a few punches of my own, a secret thrill of satisfaction as I feel his nose crunch under my fist. Blood pours from his nose and onto his face, and he lets out a small battle cry as he leans forwards on his elbows and headbutts me in the face. I feel my stitches tighten and rip on my lip and my nose crunch as I rock back.

He takes this moment to get up, bringing me with him as he punches my face a couple of times, adding to the blood already on my face. I bring my arms up in a hurry, but am too late as he throws me down again, hand gripping the bruise that Eric had left me. A cry leaves my lips as he pushes me face down into the mat, once again moving my arm into an awkward angle behind my back. I tap on the mat, but Eric doesn't come to my rescue like Four did yesterday. Instead he keeps staring at me, eyes locking as he refuses to stop the fight. I close my eyes as the pain washes over me, the adrenaline wearing off as my hands start to shake and my arm starts to burn.

"I concede." I state, voice strained from the amount of pain I was in. Eric chuckles humorlessly as he calls Greyson off, leaning down to where I lay on the mat, breathing heavily as I try to catch my breath, failing epicly as Eric picks me up and pushes me to the knife throwing targets. What the fuck is he doing?

"Since your so easy to concede twice in two days, lets see if you have the guts to stay here." He threatens, voice taking a dark turn as he shoos one of Fours initiates away from the table. I stand in shock, blood dripping down my face. He looks at me pointedly, then points the knife at the target, eyes never leaving mine. "You concede here, you become factionless. You flinch, you become factionless. Am I understood?" He taunts, smirk in place.

What. The. Fuck.

I nod numbly at him and stalk my way to the target, dread filling my body. My hands are still shaking from my fight, and I clasp them behind me, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

I take a breath as I see him take a familiar stance, my sole focus on him as he rears his hand back. I hold my breath as he throws the knife, it nicking the side of my cheek and ear, a small whine leaving my mouth from the sting of the cut. I notice how quiet the room is, how everyone's eyes are on us. He picks up the second knife, a sadistic smile on his face as he throws it, this time landing between my thighs, an inch from my femoral artery, also nicking the skin there. I take another shaky breath, refusing to move anything but my chest as he picks up the last knife. Time seems to slow down as the knife leaves his hands and flies through the air. I close my eyes and almost hear the knife cutting through towards me, and soft squelch as it makes contact with my body. I can't control the squeal that comes from my mouth, my eyes opening in horror as I turn and look where the knife had landed.

Fucker stabbed me.

There, in the soft skin of my shoulder was where the knife had stuck, even more blood running over my body as I stare in horror.

Eric stabbed me.


	5. Chapter 5

The world around me is a blur.

I barely register someone grabbing my other arm, my eyes never leaving my left shoulder. I watch the blood drip down my bare arm, my whole body feeling sticky from the sweat and blood combination sticking to my skin. The sounds around me all seem to blur together, and my vision blurs around the edges.

Eric stabbed me.

I turn my head to look around me, Four standing too close. Way too close.

 _Eric_ stabbed me.

His lips are moving, but his voice is bledning in with the sounds around me, all flooding my ears in a whoosh. He gets closer to my face, a hand coming to keep my head still as he tries to get my attention. His touch is soft, too soft. Too nice.

Eric stabbed _me_.

His aren't rough, not enough callouses. He doesn't command with his touch, but sweetly beckons me closer and out the door, and it all feels wrong. I turn my head to look around, everything being too much. I go to pull away from Four, but he grabs me.

Eric _stabbed_ me.

The sudden forceful touch after his soft caresses sends my body into overdrive. Too much has happened too quickly.

 _Eric stabbed me_.

I feel a cool wetness on my face, and I bring my uninjured hand up to investigate. Four looks up and is talking to someone over my head, an angry look on his face. Why is he so angry? The noise around me intensifies, as someone starts yelling from behind me.

Eric _stabbed me_.

"She's in shock." Four explains, his voice sounding father away than it should. My vision starts to fade as my hearing zones in, differentiating the voices around me. Eric is the one yelling behind me, making me flinch instinctively as I take a few quick steps to Four, standing behind him slightly, cradling my injured arm to my chest, whimpering as I move my arm slightly, a trail of fire burning through my shoulder.

 _Eric_ stabbed _me_.

Everything around me goes quiet, and I sneak a peak up to see everyone's eyes on me, different levels of horror on everyone's face. Four ushers me silently out of the training room and towards the infirmary. I hear small cries as we walk, and it takes me a moment before I realize those sounds are coming from me. I try to hold them in as much as I can, head feeling dizzy as I try to keep up with Four. My former instructor seems to notice as he turns and grabbed my uninjured arm and softly puts it around his shoulders, his left arm grabbing my wrist as his right arm grabs around my waist as he picks me up a bit, half carrying me, half walking me to the infirmary. As soon as we walk into the infirmary area, I am surrounded by nurses. Too much. I start to pull back from them, overwhelmed. The room was too bright, everybody was talking too loud, the fire was too hot. The voices all clamor together as the sea of nurses part, Rylan coming between them, hands cradling my cheeks as he bends slightly, his forest green eyes swirling as he looks me over, thumbs wiping away bodily fluids from my face.

"Mo? Maureen, you need to breathe." Rodney coaxes, voice soft, almost like velvet. My breath is shaky and shallow, and Rod smiles fondly at me, nodding his head. "Good, that's good. Take another one." He orders, eyes never leaving mine. I go to close my eyes and his grip on my face tightens, eyes slightly frantic for a moment. "Eyes on me." He commands, tone with a firm edge to it. I keep my eyes open and continue to breathe, each breath coming easier than the last. When I'm breathing semi-normal on my own without any reassurance from my brother, he removes his hands slowly, eyes trained on my face. "Follow me." He asks, turning and locking eyes with a nurse, nodding his head slightly.

"He didn't mean to." I mutter softly, voice hoarse. Ry simply looks back at me, scoffing slightly.

"We'll talk about that later. Let's get you all patched up and good as new before we start." He answers softly, walking into a private room that I had never seen before. It's only him, Shannon and myself in the room, and I for one am glad to have some fucking peace and quiet. Rylan helps me up onto the bed, holding onto me gently as he lifts me, a squeal involuntarily leaving my lips as the fire somehow intensifies, consuming my mind body and soul. Rylan lays me down, my left shoulder on the edge of the bed, the knife still sticking out. He turns to Shannon, a worried look on his face. Shannon comes over with an orange looking liquid in a syringe, and I instantly recognize it as a sedative serum. I struggle to sit up, weak from today's events. Rylan shushs me, laying me back down. "This is just so we can get the blade out and patch you up. You'll wake up, I promise." He reassures, eyes never leaving mine.

"Rylan, I'm scared." I admit, tears falling freely from my eyes. Rylan's own eyes turn misty, hand squeezing mine tighter.

"Me, too. Let her do her job." He asks quietly. I mull my choices over for a moment, but before I have a chance to answer, my eyes get heavy and I doze off into blissful nothing, the fire dimming as everything turns black.

* * *

"Fuck." I hear Eric mutter as the knife leaves his hand. I don't turn my attention onto my leader, my eyes not leaving the Dauntless initiate in front of me. Somehow, even as the knife pierces her flesh, she doesn't flinch. She squeals out in pain, but she doesn't flinch. I want to run over to her, to help her somehow, but I see that Four had already beat me to it, literally jumping over one of the tables to rush Maureen, to help her. Talk about a white knight. He grabs her uninjured arm, pulling her close as he tries to get her attention.

"Maureen, Maureen can you hear me? I'm going to take you to the infirmary." He talks quietly, eyes searching her face, his sole attention on her and no one else. Bad move on his part, if you ask me. Eric goes stalking in his direction when Four's hand makes contact with her face, as if he was caressing a lover instead of trying to get her attention. I see Eric's shoulders tense, and decide to follow after him towards my new-found friend.

"Get your fucking hands off of her!" Eric snarls, voice booming and echoing through the training room. No one besides me dares to move a muscle, eyes wide as the whole scene unfolds before them. As I get closer, I see Maureen still has a clouded look on her face, her eyes glazed over and her mouth forming a small 'o' shape, small whimpers falling from her lips every time she takes a breath in. Poor girl.

Beaten and bloody, she still looks beautiful. She has a warm air around her, an old soul living in a young body.

I see her pull herself away from Four after Eric yells, trying to turn around in his grasp to walk away. Four grabs her tighter, and Maureen starts to panic.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Eric continues yelling, eyes never leaving Maureen, taking in the same sight that I was, her skin flushes, blood coating her pale skin in a sickly way, eyes dull and glazed, hair erratic on top of her head. "Where do you think you're fucking taking her?"

"She's in shock. I'm taking her to get some help." Four answers, voice calm cool and collected, as if he wasn't aware that Eric's fuse was close to burnt out. It was like Eric was a child having a temper tantrum and Four was the tired parent, explaining to his child for the sixth time why they couldn't stay up late to watch television. Eric starts to yell something about how he had no right, and I watch Maureen finally flinch, going to hide behind Four. Knowing that Eric had just stabbed her, whether accidental or not that was to be determined, and was now sounding royally pissed, I'm assuming that she thought he was mad at her.

If only she knew how his anger was directed at Four, how his eyes and face fell for a split second before righteous anger took place as she hid behind the white knight. If only she saw how impossibly tense he became, eyes and body as hard as steel. Instead, she just looks around the room before Four leads her out, not another word spoken.

He muttered something under his breath as he grabbed a phone out of his pocket, quickly scrolling before tapping the screen, bringing the phone up by his ear. I walk closer to him then, wanting to eavesdrop on the leader's conversation. Eric walks out into the empty hallway, and I grab the door before it clicked shut behind me. I silently walk out, shutting the door quietly as I stand with my back to the wall, trying to blend in as I follow Eric.

"Ry, you need to get to the infirmary. It's Maureen. I fucked up." I hear him mutter quietly, almost too quietly, as he runs a hand up and over his face, voice strained. "I fucked up so damn hard, Rylan." Eric admits, body growing more tense as he just about breaks the phone in his hand, obviously uncomfortable in this situation. "I didn't mean to get her, I got a fucking text and it threw me off..." He trails off, sounding angry. Whether it was at the previous situation, or his truthful admission of his own guilt, I'll never know.

I hear muffled yelling on the phone in response, and drop my head, guilt flooding my body for intruding on an obviously personal moment. That must've been Maureen's brother. His best friend. Eric doesn't answer, simply hanging up on his friend mid-rant. He throws the phone at the wall, effectively shattering the damn thing. He then turns and punches the wall one, two, three times, releasing his anger. I decide to clear my throat then, making my presence known.

Bad idea.

He turns his icy glare onto me, and I freeze up instantly. Oh, God. He straightens as he rushes me, trapping me between a wall and a hard place. Literally.

"What the fuck do you want, initiate?" He asks, voice dripping venom in every word he speaks. Ice runs through my veins, and I'm quiet for a moment, losing confidence. What possessed me to follow a pissed off, murderous looking leader into an empty corridor?

"She'll forgive you, that is if she hasn't already." I mutter quietly, staring up at him with wide eyes. Eric scoffs as he leans closer, his breath fanning over my face.

"You don't even know her." He answers, voice still an icy tundra as he speaks to me. I smile softly at him, not so scared of him as I try to think of Maureen.

"So, what? Does that mean that I can't state the obvious? Every time you two are in the same room, she can't tear her attention away from you. You both look at each other a second too long to only be connected by your friend." I accuse, voice confident. I'm surprised my voice doesn't shake with nerves, because my hands are.

I am so scared in this moment, but I refuse to show him that. This isn't about me. It's about Maureen. Eric shakes his head, taking a step back, giving me some room. I peel myself from the wall, taking a deep breath as if he had been choking the life from me.

Eric turns and walks away unexpectedly, not a second glance or word spoken my way. I shake off the nerves, deciding to walk down to the infirmary. Maybe when they got Maureen all fixed up, they'd let me visit her.

 **A/N: I am so sorry for this chapter. It's the shortest I've written, and a bit of a filler. I'm going back and changing Rylan's name, as it was pointed out to me that it was being used in another fanfiction. I don't want other authors thinking that I am going and taking their ideas, so a change is in order. However, I have no idea what his new name shall be. If you have any ideas, let me know. So far, it's either Jaison(Jai for short) or or Garhett(Rhett for a nickname. Or maybe Gar-Bear. That would be funny.) Anyways. I hope you like this new addition. Have a good night**


	6. Chapter 6

The meeting was boring to say the least, almost mind-numbing. Another useless mandatory, one that Eric had been exempted from, his involvement with the initiates giving him partial immunity. Douchebag. Although, him being there was a good thing. He could keep an eye on Maureen, make sure she didn't fall through the cracks. Eric had brought up in one of the many conversations about this year's new recruits that Maureen was behind, almost dangerously so. If he couldn't find a good motivation for her soon, she might not be here to become better, to become Dauntless. However, with how many people were in initiation with her there may not be a cut-off in phase one. The shortage was felt, a simple 37 initiates in total this year, a measly nine transfers. The smallest amount in history. If we implemented the cut-off for phase one, I'm positive that all of transfers would be cut, Maureen included.

That's what this meeting was about, initially. Max had brought up the situation, one we had all been thinking about. I wholeheartedly agreed to the decision, not letting my decision be biased over Maureen. We wanted a diverse faction, one where we gave everyone a chance to prove their worth. Harrison had brought up the smaller groups, giving them a fighting chance if we kept the cut-off. Max liked both ideas, to say the least.

The cut-off was lifted for phase one, but there would be an extra three cut-off at the end of phase three, while smaller groups would be implemented in the transfers. Eric and Four getting separate groups to train more intensely, not letting them fall through the cracks. I slyly put Maureen onto Eric's list, knowing that she wouldn't get the same motivation from Four.

He gave soft love, a gentle guidance. Maureen needed a firm hand, someone to tell her how she fucked up, to make a fire burn so bright inside of her that no one could put it out, not even herself. Eric knew how to goad her, how to make the fight come out in her. He had been succeeding in that the majority of his life, always bringing her to the fine line between insanity and genius, lighting a fire so bright that it made her stand out from the rest. She needed him as much as he needed her. She shined brighter, and he slept better at night knowing that he helped make her that way, that part of it was because of him that she was so independent. So _strong_. That was how they co-existed for years, it slowly progressing to more, the infatuation turning into something else. Something deeper.

It was easy to watch, and even easier to accept. Eric was her friend first, always putting her feelings first, even if he was rude to her as a child. I remember when Eric would tease Mo, pulling her hair and calling her names. The second the other boys even looked funny in her direction, Eric and I were on it. Always taking the heat off of her, making her safe. Her own personal body guards. The boys in Erudite always saw her as a puppet, something that they could control.

If only they knew.

Eric knew her in and out. Her dreams, her goals, her past. He knew it all. Hell, he was a part of it all. He was there from the beginning.

I sit there and doodle on some random paper Lexi had placed before me, going over some security issue. My mind was wondering between Eric with Maureen, and her initiation wishing that I could help in some way. I could get her worked up, make her fight harder. Most people would find that cheating, but who cared what everybody else thought? She was MY sister, she was MY responsibility.

"With that, I bid you all a good day." Max ends the meeting, a tight smile on his face. I grab my small stack of papers, making a beeline to my office. I rifle through some papers, filling out some mindless paperwork, signing off on more patrols in Amity. Approving healthier food for the mess hall. More maintenance for the training room, new bags and more cleaning. My mind soon drifts again, going blank as I stare at the computer screen in front of me, pen dangling above the signature line on a request form for some more tattoo supplies.

Maureen's music plays in the background, the soft trills of piano filling the room. She was decent on the piano, always somehow playing a melancholy tune on the instrument. Her favorite was the violin, and you could always tell with the music that sounded from it. Bright. Lively. Innocent.

An incessant ringing pulls me from my thoughts. ERIC the screen reads, and I sigh. This better be good.

"What do you want? Isn't it a bit early for lunch?" I ask, glancing at my watch. 11:27. Thirty three minutes till lunch. Odd.

"Jai, you need to go to the infirmary, It's Maureen. I fucked up." He says quietly, almost whispering into the phone. "I fucked up so damn hard, Jai." He continues, rambling in a slight panic. He continues talking but I don't listen, seeing red.

"I don't give a fuck about what happened, Eric. You had ONE job. ONE. If I find out that you had something to do with this I swear to God-" I get cut off with a dial tone, and I become even more furious. I stand with a huff, stomping out of my office with a heavy sigh. Might as well go see what all this ruckus was about.

Fucking asshole.

* * *

I'm aware of everything around me before my eyes open. There was steady beeping, the rough feel of the gauze on my skin, sting coming from my top lip, the sticky feeling of the medical taping pulling at sensitive flesh, a comfortable weight of someone's hand on my leg, probably Jai's. I hear the soft sounds of my music floating through the air, the soft trills of piano encompassing the room.

"She should wake up here soon. I could find you when she does, if you wanted me too." Jaison tells a mystery someone, the grip on my leg tightening a bit as he tries to politely force them to leave. He was an overprotective doofus, always thinking he had to interject in every aspect of my life. What if it was Eric? Maybe Keenan, and we were just starting to become friends. What if he scared her away, too?

"I can stay here. It's not like there will be anymore training happening today after... Well, you know." Keenan responds kindly, and I hear a slight screech as she pulls in a chair. It goes quiet for a moment, Jai's grip still tight on my leg. He must be uncomfortable. Soon enough, his grip loosens, and he rubs my leg softly with his thumb. It's soothing enough to almost put me back to bed. Almost. However, the beeping and the piano sounds were too much while being out of sync, and I found myself growing more and more annoyed by the mixture. Could someone just turn the damn music off? Or unhook me from these stupid machines?

I start waking up slowly, moving my fingers and toes. Jai notices, his hand gripping me tighter once more. He doesn't say anything to me, letting me come to at my own pace. I finally open my eyes, and immediately close them again. Too bright. I open them once more, bracing myself for the brightness. I look around me, meeting Jai's concerned eyes as he smiles softly at me.

"I told you so." He taunts lightly, smile turning into a smirk on his face. I scoff and smile brightly at him, happy that for once he was right. He must've forgotten Keenan was there, for a moment I forgot as well, because the sudden squeak of her chair makes him jump slightly. He turns and glares at her, opening his mouth to say something, most likely something rude. I cut him off, going to sit up slowly.

"Keenan!" I greet happily, genuinely happy that she came to see me. I attempt to put weight on my left shoulder, and instantly let a small whimper fall from my lips, arm giving out from under me. Jaison is quick to stand beside me, trying to grab my other arm and help cushion the fall.I look up at him sheepishly, a small blush coming to my face as my arm throbs painfully, the burn back with a vengeance. Jai throws a nasty look over his shoulder at Keenan, but she doesn't flinch. She's standing at the end of the bed, looking at us curiously.

"Keenan, this is Jai. Jaison, this is my friend Keenan." I introduce. Jai simply looks her up and down with a critical look, not being too friendly. He then clasps his hands in front of him, and I roll my eyes at him and his stupid antics. There were times, times like now, where him and Eric echoed each other, finding that they had the same leadership traits. He stands rigid as he looks between us, silently writing her off. "Be nice." I mutter quietly to Jai. He simply rolls his eyes as he plops down into the chair, sulking as he slouches. "Ignore him. How are you?" I look at Keenan, a small smile staying on my face. Keenan giggles as she brings her chair closer to my bed, eyes not leaving me long.

"I'm fine, compared to how you are. You're face is ll sorts of different colors." She says with a small smile, a look of pity in her eyes. I giggle and I wave her off with my right arm, smile gracing my features.

"This? Oh, it's just a flesh wound." I state, flinging my legs over the side of the bed. I go ripping cords off of my body hastily just as Jai's hands come to try and stop me. I smack his hands away as I pull the remainder off, gently sliding down onto my feet.

"What the fuck are you _doing_?" Jaison asks, staring at me with a look of horror. I shrug as I test my weight on my legs, swaying some back ad forth.

"If I were anybody else, any other initiate not related to _you_ , then I would head back with the rest of the initiates. That's what I intend to do." I answer, mind already made up. Jai scoffs as he shakes his head, a few nurses rushing in. The sight before them is a bit appalling. A small girl standing her ground against a rather large leader, his larger frame making me seem extra small. Keenan was off to the side, hands up in a surrender pose, eyes wide as she looks between us and the nurses. I don't back down from Jaison, even as his nose flares in anger.

"You are _not_ just some other initiate." He seethes. The nurses walk out and shut the door, Keenan drops her hands but she doesn't try to make it to the door, Jaison and I blocking her path.

"Yes, I _am_." I reply, standing my ground once again. If it's not Eric, it's Jaison and it's starting to get really fucking annoying. Jaison simply turns suddenly, flipping a table to the ground, throwing a temper tantrum. Keenan flinches, but I simply roll my eyes, finding his outburst juvenile. "Oh, grow the fuck up." I tell him, on a search for clothes. He turns to me, face red in fury and I simply roll my eyes. It's too bad. I expected this behavior from Eric, I didn't think that he would stoop to such a low point to try and get his thoughts across. No wonder they worked so well as best friends. Maybe they spent too much tome together.

Eric always was the bad influence, always adding us into situations we would hardly get into by ourselves. Jai was always a willing participant, following Eric around like a lost puppy. There were times it was the other way around, during middle school. When Jaison and I nearly slipped through Eric's grasp, when his mother had tried to come between us.

Well, she came in between our parents, becoming the other woman. Things had become muddy quickly, and we almost lost each other over it. Almost. We snuck around for years, the three of us going on adventures, going on 'school trips'. Eric would forge some kind of document and we would go hide out at his house, seeing as his parents were hardly ever in their own home. Or if they were, Eric had a whole floor to himself, one his parents never invaded. There was weekly family dinners in the Coulter household, and they were always silent and tense. It only got worse after the affair. I'm pulled from my thoughts as Jai stands before me, looking at me like I'm stupid.

"Hello, earth to space brain." He mumbles angrily, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I roll my eyes at his childish antics, not taking them personally. "If you can't stay attentive for one goddamn conversation, then there is no way in _hell_ that I will let you walk out of that door." He threatens, extending the reach of his authority over me, giving me a way to be independent in a safe way. I smile as I turn my sole focus onto him, wanting to the the fuck out of here.

"Ask me anything." I reply confidently, standing just a smudge taller than before. I notice how Keenan has stayed quiet, and actually has resumes sitting in her seat, making peace with not being able to get out of the room at the moment. I was getting out of this room one way or another, and Jaison was not going to stop me.

 **A/N: So Ry turned into Jai. I will go back and fix the other chapters either tonight or tomorrow. I hope the POV changes are easy to follow. I get bored with one person, might as well use my other OC's to bring a fresh perspective. I hope you like it. Have a good night!**


	7. Chapter 7

I never made it a foot out of that damn hospital room.

Jaison asked me a series of questions, and I was doing fine. I knew what year it was, our parents' names and birthdays. Then he started asking harder questions. Asking me personal questions. When was my last period? What had I eaten for breakfast, and how much? He then changed direction again, asking what had happened. I clammed up then, leaning back against the bed, refusing to answer.

"I don't know." I respond, too embarrassed to tell him that it partially was my fault. I knew that tapping out was a bad idea, but it was a rash decision. I should've stuck it out, fought harder, do _anything_ but tap out. Again. Jai sighs from beside me, and I keep looking down and away from his piercing gaze.

"Fucking bullshit liar. Answer the damn question, Maureen Ophelia Ipkyss." Jaison demands. I stare at his feet, and notice how his feet are shoulder width apart. I shake my head as I keep looking down, and am surprised when I hear Keenan speak from beside me.

"She conceded twice in two days to the same opponent. He pinned her in the same position. Eric got frustrated, and made her stand in front of a a target." She explains. I shoot my head up and give her a nasty glare, a sneer that could rival Eric's. Jaison sighs from next to me, and I sneak a peak at him over my shoulder. I see him typing away on his phone. I knew that I had lost then, knowing that because it wasn't me answering him, he was going to make me stay. A deal was a deal.

"How long am I staying?" I ask ruefully, climbing back up onto the bed, a defeated sigh escaping my lips. Jaison smiles brightly up at me, taking my loss with great pride.

"Long enough for me to know that you are okay." He answers truthfully, a knowing smile on his lips. Dear God, please save me now.

* * *

The next three days drag by slowly, each hour passing as fast as a crippled man attempting to climb a flight of stairs, his bones creaking with every step. It was absolute torture. The nurses tried to make me take my medicine, often having to opt out of the pills and having to stick me with a needle, pumping me full of pain medication. It made my head feel loopy, and dizzy. I hated that feeling. I couldn't stand a cloudy mind, other than one slightly muddled by alcohol. I could still navigate my way around alcohol, forming coherent strings of thought, being able to get my point across rather easily, the words flowing from my mouth in an intricate way.

Pain medication, on the other hand, clouded my mind to a point that made me want to bang my head against the wall.

It slowed my reaction time considerably, the time I spent on thinking about what words I wanted to say was appalling. And quite embarrassing. I used the same redundant words over and over, repeating them often in conversations as my mind pulled up a blank on any synonyms. It was beyond frustrating, the boring, choppy sound of my words. There was no proper flow, no push and pull. Fast and slow. Long and short. It was all the same.

Jaison loved me on my pain medication, you could tell. It made me complaint in a less annoying way. He was more relaxed. He knew that I didn't have it in me to try and escape while I was doped up, the medication doing it's job, in his opinion.

Keenan came to visit me often, coming to stay and chat with me while recovering. Jaison was starting to warm up to her, becoming less and less tense in her presence. There was even a time that he asked for her to stay with me while he ran a small errand, trusting her enough to leave me in her care. It was almost sweet how he was starting to be friendlier towards her, and she looked excited at the progress.

She had admitted to me off-handedly about how she always dreamed of being a leader, and with her climbing the ranks so quickly she hoped for a spot in the top three. She wanted to be a leader. She tried over explaining, something about reassuring me that she wasn't using me to gain an inside to a leadership position, and I naturally waved her off. She was too sweet to try and pull something like that, the scheme more something Eric would do.

Eric never tried to come and visit me, whether that was Jaison's doing or his own. I'll never know. Jaison refused to talk about Eric and his involvement in my injury, only telling me to hurry up and get better. As if I had any control over how fast my body healed itself.

It slightly bothered me that Eric didn't even attempt to come and see me. Or apologize. He fucking stabbed me, whether it was an accident or not, the act in and of itself warranted an apology. I tried not to think of it too much in my time there, but I couldn't help but think of him most of the time, my drugged mind often pulling his memories to the forefront of my mind.

His smell.

His voice.

His embrace.

His laugh, one that I haven't heard in years.

The time that he and Jaison locked themselves in a walk-in freezer, and just happening to find them cuddled together. There was another time when Jaison and Eric came up with a studying game, a game where no one really studied.

You asked questions on the content. Right answers were rewarded with time spent away from studying, wrong answers were punished with alcohol. Somehow, I was always the one that ended up drunk, the boys laughing at my feeble attempts to continue studying through the haze.

Another fond memory was some of the times when Eric and I were alone, sitting in silence, and he would randomly start reading to me. Sometimes it was the book he was reading at the time, some medical jargon or a book that had so many facts in it, it may as well either be an encyclopedia or a textbook. There were other times that the books were filled with beautiful poems, talking of love and life. There were times that I would read him the poems I wrote, always kept in a small notepad that I hid, tucked away in the inside of my jacket.

Walking in on Jaison and Eric yelling over one thing or another, always finding between them before fists started flying everywhere.

Having to help them separately if they did start a fist fight. Things were a lot simpler at one time, before feelings got in the way.

Before Eric swept my hair to the side, revealing my face to him under the moonlight as we sat on top of his roof, an open bottle of liquor between us half empty. I never could remember who leaned in first, all I remember was the soft feel of his lips against mine.

It was on that roof that time seemed to have stood still for us, where we were able to shut the world away and just bask in the presence of each other.

Did he hold these memories close, like I had?

Did he even remember when we got drunk and I drug him to my room, showing him everything there was to know about me?

Showing him a place where I never even allowed Jaison, showing him everything that was inside of me, my hope and dreams all written out and laid bare for him to see?

Did that even matter to him?

* * *

I was woken abruptly, one hand over my mouth the other pulling me from my bunk early in the morning. I scramble and panic, fear running through me as my eyes fly open. I'm soon standing pressed up against someone, someone big. I can feel their body, hard muscles against me. I start trying to scream, knowing that I'm not going to get anywhere with a bum arm. It's only been a week or so since the incident with Eric, and I've only been out of the hospital for two days. I was cleared for light training on my release, and was set to go back to regular trianing when I felt I was ready. I didn't heed the nurses warning, going right back into training once released. My mother was a doctor, I knew what signs to look out for. I knew what I was doing, for the most part. I hadn't hurt myself yet, anyways.

"Shut up, will you?" My assailant mumbles, and I instantly relax against him, eyes glaring into darkness. He could've woken me up in a nicer way. Asshole. I let him drag me into the training room, glare never leaving my face. He pushes me roughly as we enter, shoving me to the side as he continues walking to the middle of the room. "Run around, warm up." He mutters, writing somethign up on the board. I pay him no mind as I roll my eyes, setting a slow pace for a jog while I do what I'm told, not thinking twice.

Why was it only me that was woken?

After fifteen laps, Eric beckons me over with a whistle, and I glare at him offensively, a retort spilling from my mouth before I can think, the day being too early and my body already groaning in pain.

"I'm not a dog, you know." I tell him as I walk closer, feeling the sweat start beading at my hairline. Eric smirks as he looks over at me, mischief in his eyes.

"No, but you sure are a bitch." He replies, smirk widening at my glare. "Get on the mat, initiate." He orders, eyes hardening as he takes his black shirt off, revealing a dark grey muscle tank underneath. Uh-oh.

"Wait, wait, wait a minute. You want me... To fight... YOU?" I ask as he makes his own way onto the mat, rolling his shoulders. He simply gives me a sideways look from the opposite side of the mat, a condescending smile on his face.

"Did I stutter?" He asks, glowering at me slightly. I huff as I roll mys houlders, mimicking Eric's earlier movements. And confidence. I was going to need to copy Eric's bravado if I was going to get anywhere in this fight. Eric was big, and the way his tank hugged his muscles made him look much bigger and intimidating than I would ever admit. I would hate to go against him in a REAL fight, if it were life and death. He dropped down into a fighting stance, and I mimicked him once more, bringing my hands up to protect my face.

I'm the one who makes the first move, faking an attack to his right side. He takes the bait, attention going to block me. I tapped his left side experimentally, and he doesn't even flinch. In my retreat, he steps forward, sending a quick jab to my right side. I twist out of the way, relying on my quick feet to evade him.

We go in circles for a moment, sizing each other up before he steps forward. He sends out one, two punches, and I hold my ground, tensing my arm muscles to protect me.

I send a jab to his jaw, catching it and I smile as I feel the connect.

My happiness is short lived as he grabs my wrist, and I know that that punch was a mistake. He pulls me forward, dropping my hand, and I gasp at the unexpected turn of events.

His hand lands onto the back of my neck, grabbing it in a tight grasp. He shoves me forwards, face towards the mat and to his left, his body turning to follow me. I stumble slightly at my equilibrium being thrown off, and he uses that to his advantage. He sweeps my feet from beneath me, and I belly-flop down. His other hand grabs my arm, pulling it at another awkward angle, hand even tighter around my neck as a lone knee finds its way to the center of my back. He pushes, and I hold in a groan of pain.

"Start _now_." He spits, venom coating his words as his hand tightens around the back of my neck in a bruising grasp. "Start where you are. Start with the fear, the _doubt_. Start with hands shaking, voice trembling. _Goddammit_ , start and don't stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just... fucking start." He lets me go suddenly, getting off of me. I turn and roll on my back, glaring up at my leader who looms above me, breathing heavily from either anger or our work out. I can't tell.

"How _dare_ you. I have been trying, I have started this!" I sneer, tears welling up in my eyes. Why couldn't he see that I have tried? I got stabbed in the arm for trying, never backing down from any challenge he gave me, and he was the one that stabbed me. He gave me an order and I followed it. Every time. Even if I didn't LIKE it. Because I trusted him, because I knew that he would never give me more than I could handle. I start to feel overwhelmed, my breath coming in short gasps, and not from the intense workout Eric had just given me. It was from the doubt, the thought that I wasn't good enough. Thinking that ERIC thought that I wasn't good enough.

"What, are you gonna cry now, is that it?" Eric asks icy from above me, a tone in his voice that I had never heard directed at me before. A righteous anger lights flame in me, starting at the pit of my stomach. My head snapped up, features frozen in a state of stone cold fury.

"What makes you think that I would ever waste tears on YOU?" I respond hastily, the words feeling heavy and tasting bitter on my tongue as my arms come up to support me in a seated position as I sneer at my leader. Eric simply kicks my arms out from supporting me, smirking at the thud my head makes when it hits the floor. He stalks out of the training room, the slam of the door alerting me to his exit.

I lay there, breathing labored from the whole ordeal, fire still burning in my veins. I pull myself up, and walk over to a punching bag, taking my fury out on the inanimate object.

He had no right to come in here, insult me almost to the point of tears, and then try to turn this around. This was not my fault, and I wasn't going to be like everyone else in this damn compound, Jaison included, and let him treat me that way. I had been respectful, and nothing but nice to him since I arrived here. I even forgave him when he stabbed me, trying to find a connect with him and simply be his friend. I gave him respect, even when he didn't deserve it. I defended him, especially when he _didn't_ deserve it.

I don't know how long I stand and punch this damn bag. It was long enough for my arm to start screaming at me, begging me to rest. My hands were also groaning in protest, but the burn led me on. It pushed me, and dare I say, it was a bit satisfying. I hear the door open and close, but I refuse to turn. The training room was free to anyone I presumed, seeing as the I had never found the door locked at the awkward hours that I ended up finding myself here.

Whoever it was stay away for a while. I ignore them, and continue my assault, thinking of Eric and his words at each punch. I stop as they stand beside me, and I turn to see Four a few bags down. He starts his regimen, evading before light punches. Enough to get his heart rate up, but not enough to pull a sweat from him. I start unwrapping my hands.

My shoulder continues it's screech, but I ignore it. There was some painkillers by my bed. I should have just enough time to go and grab them before I have to be back here for training. Before I turn to leave, Four looks at me for a moment. We lock eyes for a fleeting second before he turns his attention back to the bag before him.

"You're bleeding." He states calmly, voice sounding as bored and even as the first day I met him. I turn and look at my arm, seeing a lone trail of blood surely making its way down my arm. I smirk a bit, wondering how he could keep such a calm and bored exterior.

"Thanks." I mutter, turning to walk away. I stop for a second, finding my courage through anger to fully thank him. Two birds with one stone, right? "I also wanted to thank you for helping me last week." I continue, turning back slightly to look at Four over my shoulder. He stops punching and turns towards me respectfully, a tight polite smile on his face. "When Eric stabbed me, and all that." I explain further, feeling a bit uncomfortable as I over-explain. He nods my way in acknowledgement, no words coming from him as he turns back to his task at hand.

I walk out of there feeling a bit better than I had walking in, and the fire was starting to settle down. It still stayed a small ember in my stomach, just waiting for the certain spark to light it, knowing that someway, somehow today that Eric was going to hit that nerve again and wake a fire that even he couldn't put out.

I take my pills, only taking one instead of two. I was reconsidering Keenan's offer as I look through my clothes, pulling out a dark pair of leggings and a shirt that was a tad too big, that came off of one shoulder. I go to he showers, looking around to make sure no one was in here. I strip and shower quietly, hissing in slight pain as the warm water irritates my shoulder. Everyone started waking and walking to shower as I walk out, a few muttering hellos.

Others, like Greyson and his goons, simply glare at me as I walk past, a look of disdain on their face. They knew better than to try anything, but stupidity had a way of making people reckless. I couldn't let my guard down, not anymore. If Eric could stab me, anyone could hurt me.

I walk to the mess hall looking for my lone friend, not seeing Keenan as I woke. I spot her sitting by Jaison, and I smile brightly to myself. I don't know who decided to make the first move by sitting next to each other, but I was pleasantly surprised. They haven't been getting along much lately, but they were trying. That's all that I could ever ask for.

I bring my tray over to the table, sitting down next to Keenan with a smile. Keenan smiles back at me as Jai continues speaking, ignoring my very presence.

"-and then he decided to slap me with more paperwork, even though I wasn't even at that meeting. Like I'm supposed to know what was said and done." He grumbles, stabbing his pancake with more force than necessary.

"Aw, is the big baby complaining about a job that he signed up for?" I mock, voice deepening as I pout. Jai sends me a glare, pointing his fork at me.

"Watch your mouth, Mo." He warns, but after the morning I had I decide to push my luck.

"Or what, big shot? Gonna tell on me?" I ask, voice full of sarcasm. Jai smiles at me as he takes a bite, humor written all over his face.

"That's it, you're grounded." He says through the food in his mouth. I drop my utensil and slam my hands on the table, appalled by his retort. Keenan laughs from beside me, and it only send a small breeze onto the coals in my belly, fueling my response to Jai.

"EXCUSE me, but you are my brother. Not my father." I inform him, an edge to my voice. Keenan continues to giggle, and I shoot a glare her way making her shut up. Jai simply shrugs, drinking from his cup with a satisfied look on his face.

"I told you to watch your fucking mouth." He says calmly. The fire is set aflame within me once more, and I shove my full plate at him. He moves to the side, watching it clamor to the floor. I stand suddenly, turning to walk away before any more damage could be done. "What the hell is wrong with you, Maureen?! I was just joking around, damn." He calls after me. I simply flip him off as I continue walking, hand above my head.

To my surprise, Keenan falls into step beside me, sighing a bit.

"I don't know what's going on, but you're tense. Too tense. Why don't you come out with me and a few of my friends tonight? We could drink, let loose a little?" She tries, stopping me in an empty corridor. I drop my head to the floor, eyes stuck on a crack in the ground as embarrassment floods through me, quenching a bit of the anger. "It's not your fault," She explains hurriedly, acting as if she offended me. I could see how she thought that, but the truth was she hadn't. She was just looking out for me, being a friend. I sigh as I look up, eyes meeting hers.

"I know you weren't trying to be rude." I say with a small smile, pushing my hair behind my ear. "I'll think about it." I answer her question, taking in her dazzling smile at my answer.

"That's just as good as a 'yes'." She exclaims, linking her arm with mine. She steers me down the hall and into the training room, and I see we aren't the first ones there. I see Greyson from across the room, his body not nearly as big and intimidating as Eric, and the simple thought of him sets my skin on fire, his words echoing in my head.

 _What, are you gonna cry now, it that it... Just... Fucking start..._

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts as Four begins to speak, and I suddenly realize that we were the last ones in, the remaining initiates gathering around our instructor. I notice that it's not only the nine of us, and it startles me that all of the initiates are here, Dauntless born included. On the board area list of names, and I see mine against the board not only once but twice, in Eric's neat and controlled handwriting.

 _Maureen(T) v. Louise(D)_

 _Maureen(T) v. Greyson(T)_

I cringe inwardly, knowing that he's going to make me fight not one, but two people today. Three, including him. I see everyone up there three times, and am not surprised when Greyson makes his opinion known, talking loudly, and rather rude, to Eric as Four is talking.

"Why is she only up there twice, and us three times?" He asks boldly. I turn my attention onto Eric, and see the controlled neutral expression on his face, a look he gave to his parents often. He was losing his patience. "Isn't that _special_ treatment?" He continues, ignoring how Eric's body becomes more rigid, back straightening, shoulders going back slightly. "What, can everyone _fuck_ their way to the top and out of fights, or is it just _her_?" He spits, arm shooting out from beside him to point at me. I don't see Eric move, his actions happening in a blink of an eye, but my ears hear the resounding ' _thud_ ' as Greyson finds himself on the floor, the foot of Eric's boot pressed against his throat. Four had stopped talking, and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, annoyance flooding his features at Eric's rash actions. Lauren simply watched, eyebrows raising to her hairline. Everyone's attention was either on Eric and Greyson, or stealing looks at me. I ignore them as the scene unfolds, a flash of happiness running through me.

"She isn't fucking anyone for anything. How I train _my_ initiates is up to _my_ discretion. I don't have to explain shit to you." He tells him, looming above him in a menacing manner. Greyson starts to spit something back, but Eric simply pushes down harder on his throat, constricting his ability to talk. "I suggest you worry about your own training if you want to keep a spot here." He finishes, lifting his foot off of Greyson's neck. Greyson coughs from his spot on the ground. but Eric heeds him no mind. No one does, not even his little followers. He calls the first pair up to the mats, eyes locking with mine for a second. He doesn't smirk my way or wink, smiply hold my gaze for a moment too long before calling out the fight, and I smile as he turns his attention away.

Eric was an ass, a self-proclaimed one at that. But he was not heartless in any way, no matter what he portrayed to anyone else.

* * *

Fighting had taken up the majority of my day, watching them and learning how different our techniques were from the Dauntless born. Most of the transfers won their matches, me included. I had her pinned and tapping out in my match with her, and was on cloud nine for the rest of my day. Even when Greyson had knocked me out cold, and I came too with Lauren and Four hovering over me, Eric snapping at them telling them to give me some air and leave me alone. That there were more fights to be scored and how they shouldn't waste time on a single one because I had been knocked unconscious. I shook off his words, rolling my eyes at his antics. HE just didn't want anyone to think that he favored me, even though he did, In his own special way.

Keenan walks with me to lunch, gushing on and on about her three fights. She had pinned every one, winning every match.

"They were Dauntless _born_ , Maureen. And we PINNED them, we won." She exclaims, practically vibrating from excitement. I personally think it's from adrenaline, but I keep that comment to myself. "So, you're coming out to celebrate, right?" She asks, tone hopeful as we get lunch. I spy a salad bar, and am pleasantly surprised that it looked fresh and dark. I take a large helping, adding croutons, seed kernals with cheese and diced ham, drowning it in salad dressing. I see Keenan has chosen her usual, a burger with fries. I sigh as I shake my head, not really feeling like I had won much.

"I was pinned from two of my three matches, i don't feel like celebrating." I sulk, mixing my salad as we take a seat by ourselves, away from everyone else in the back. I can feel Keenan's gaze, and mentally take not on how it's different from Jai and Eric's stare, trying to memorize it.

"Three? So you did have three matches?" She asks, tone light. She was curious, and I didn't blame her. And I trusted her. I mulled over telling her the truth as I take a bite, already knowing that I was going to tell her anyways.

"Yeah, Eric woke me up at an ungodly hour." I tell her, hoping she would fill in the rest. She doesn't staring at me, expecting me to finish. I sigh as I turn towards her, feeling a bit annoyed at her lack of understanding. "I fought Eric this morning, and lost. Big time." I admit, the fire from before coming back in tiny waves, the anger and embarrassment running hand-in-hand. Keenan merely nods, taking a bite of her burger.

"Well, yeah. Everyone would lose against Eric, Greyson included." She says offhandedly. Her eyes brighten as she looks at me, bouncing a bit in her seat. "That mark, on his chin. That was from you?" She asks. I shrug, not really taking notice of any new marks on his face. She turns around, eyes searching the crowd. Once she spots her target, she elbows me harshly, and I elbow her back, eating my food. She turns me around forcefully by my shoulders, turning me towards Eric. "Look," She points fearlessly at Eric, head closer to mine to make sure I had a good view point. We were a distance away, but not far enough for his features to be distorted. There, on his chin, was a small bruise. It barely tinted his pale skin, but it was _there_. "That, is what you did." She says proudly, giving me a side hug. "You left a mark on our _fearless_ leader." Keenan continues, letting me go as she turns around, shoving her face full of food. "It's worth celebrating." She comments, voice muffled from her food.

I giggle at her response, shaking my head in amusement. Maybe she was right. I had done that, I had left my mark, my EVIDENCE that I wasn't totally useless in a fight. It was worth celebrating. It was worth letting my hair down, so to speak, to let loose and relax. It was worth being HAPPY over, an accomplishment made.

"Alright," I relent, smile on my face. "I guess I'll go."

* * *

We had been there in the Pit for a while before I spotted Jaison and his goons, Eric being one of them. There were a few people with them that I had never seen before, and I hoped that I could be able to blend in with the crowd. Stay away from them. Far away. Lady Luck isn''t on my side, however, when one of his goons points me out, making Jai's gaze fall onto mine. Shit. Jai smiles innocently at me as he shrugs, making his way to the bar. I turn back with my group, getting pulled into a conversation with Jakob.

"I mean, it's not like we haven't done enough already." He rants, but I ignore im as I turn to try and find my annoyingly overprotective brother, dreading if he made his appearance now. Sure as shit, I feel a light tug on my hair before his arm is placed over my shoulders, and I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to get rid of the impending headache bound to come.

"Maureen!" Jai exclaims, pulling me closer as he ruffles my hair. I sigh, hand not leaving my nose. "And... other initiate." He greets, voice sounding put off. He doesn't like him. Great. I bring my drink up to my lips, the sweet taste of liquor hitting my tongue as I gulp it down greedily. This was not going to turn out good.

"Jaison, what are you doing here?" I ask, voice tense as I open my eyes and bring my hand off of my face. No amount of pinching was stopping the pain train. Jaison simply laughs, arm gripping my shoulders tighter under Jakob's stare. Retreat, Jakob, retreat.

"Can't a big brother come and have a drink with his little sister?" He asks, hand coming up to his chest as he tries to appear wounded. 'Tries' being the operative word. I scoff as I steal his drink from him, the strong offending taste of bourbon not strong enough to deter me from drinking half of it in a couple of gulps. Jaison simply chuckles, turning me around to walk him back to his posse without another word.

"You're rude. He was just making friendly conversation with me!" I explain, the alcohol buzzing in my veins.

"I don't like the look of that guy." Jai explains, throwing a look over his shoulder. I scoff as I try to fling his arm off of me, my hair whipping me in my cheek.

"You don't like the look of any guy if they are in a three-foot span of me." I retaliate, finishing his alcohol. Jai shrugs, at least he doesn't deny it. "And I was behaving. Honest." I reassure, trying to make it known that I wasn't flirting with him like he was with me. Jai merely nods, mulling my words over before an innocent smile spreads over his face.

"Well," He starts, grabbing a second drink from Eric, "there is ONE guy I don't mind being within three feet of you, other than myself." I scoff and glare at my brother, and his innocent smile never falters while he sips his drink patiently. I shake my head as I go to smack him, stumbling a bit at the sudden gesture. Jaison grabs my elbow, puling me uprigt, getting smacked in the face with my hair as I fling my head back, trying to get the hair out of my face. Eric laughs from beside us, and I turn my glare onto him.

"Shut up, I hate you." I spit, alcohol fueling my words before my brain can filter them out. Eric continues laughing, a small smile playing on his lips. This wasn't the first time he had heard those words, and he knew that this wouldn't be the last time.

"Why, I'm such delight." He retorts with a scoff. Jai chuckles with Eric from beside me, and shrug my brother off, crossing my arms over my chest with a pout on my face.

"Keep laughing, I have half of a mind to throw you over into the Chasm." I mumble, grabbing the attention of the bartender with a bright smile. He turns to me with a smile of his own, elbows coming to rest on the bar as he leans closer to me.

"What would the pretty lady like?" He asks, eyes not leaving mine. Bad move, guy. Jaison comes beside me, pulling me roughly off of the bar as he turns to the bartender.

"Vodka and juice." He answers, voice tense. The bartender stumbles back with an apology. I giggle at the situation, loving how I can get such a reaction from him at the most innocent of things. Jaison turns and throws me a look, taking my swaying figure in.

"Are you seriously that fucking drunk?" He asks, an angry tone in his voice. I giggle at his words, knowing that he really isn't angry at me. I bring my fingers up, putting my forefinger and my thumb about an inch from each other before I speak, knowing that I can only do one action at a time while I'm this wasted.

"I think I'm a little drunk..." I confess, a giggle falling from my lips. I see the nice guy has brought my drink, and I grab it from him, sipping the straw greedily as the sting of alcohol hits my tongue. "Just a little." I reiterate when I'm done, flashing a brilliant smile at my brother, getting a lazy smile in return.

Eric and Jaison start talking about something over my head, and I don't pay them much mind as I look around me, spying Keenan over by my old group standing with Jakob, sending glances in my direction. I smile as I lock my gaze into hers, beckoning her closer. She smiles sadly, shaking her head. I sigh as I slouch against the bar, stuck between dumb and dumber.

"I'm bored. And you won't let me go with my friends." I pout, turning and poking Jai in the chest. He sighs as he looks down at me.

"I'm having a drink with my sister." He tries, voice sounding annoyed. I scoff as I shake my head, swaying as I take a step back and put some space between us.

"No, you're holding me prisoner, and I don't quite appreciate it. First the hospital, and now this?" I ask, voice raising with my answer. I hear Eric laugh at us from behind me, and I turn to him. He wants to laugh, I'll let him have it too. "And you-" I point, eyes squinting. "have no room to talk. You STABBED me to prove a point. Then you belittled me, MOCKING me by trying to motivate me in some sick, twisted sociopathic way." Eric's eyes widen as he stiffens his stance, downing the rest of his drink before he places it on the bar, pointing his own finger at me.

"Alright, alright. This is getting out of hand." Jai says from beside me, grabbing my cup quickly. I whine in protest, going to take it back when Jai's other arm circles around my waist, holding me back as he finished the sweet drink. "Let's take this party somewhere neutral, shall we?" He asks rhetorically, sarcasm dripping from his words. I cross my arms as he pulls me away, and I look over to see Jakob and Keenan staring. Jakob a look of betrayal, and Keenan a look of sympathy. The least she could've done was come help. Jaison brings us to his apartment, arm not leaving my waist as Eric trails behind us.

"This is stupid." I grumble, pouting as I make my voice heard. Sure, I was his prisoner for now, but if he was forcing me along the least he could do was put up with me and hear about my dislike over the situation. "I'm supposed to be CELEBRATING, and LETTING LOOSE with some friends, not be around my stupid brother and his sociopathic friend because they don't like the looks of my friends." I ramble, making Jai laugh from beside me.

"Well, maybe the sociopath and the brother miss you. And decided to throw a celebration of their own." He talks in the third person, and it's only then that I realize just how intoxicated my brother really is. He leads me into his apartment, and I'm taken back by the scene in front of me. There's a CONGRATS sign hung on the back of the couch, a table full of liquor and mixers on one table, snacks on the other. I frown, slouching a bit as I feel embarrassed. I felt like such a bitch, shocked and appalled that they would do something like this for me.

"Eric told me about how you won your first fight." Jai explains, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of my head. "This was all my idea, Eric only supplied the alcohol." He admits drunkenly, shoving me to the couch. I giggle as I walk over to the alcohol, pouring myself a glass. Before too long, there is a knock at the door, and Jai wears a small smile. He walks over and lets his guest in, and I turn to see that the guest isn't his.

She's my guest.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I added a couple things to the last chapter, like maybe a three minute read? It was before Eric kidnapped her, while she was in the hospital. I hope you like this chapter. Visiting day is here in the next couple of chapters. So much drama in such little time! Ugh. I changed it from two to three weeks of training to a few months. There's no way you can train anybody in a couple of weeks and they end up being good, obedient little soldiers. Anyways, enough of my rambling. A big thank you to all who have reviewed, followed/favorited. It really means a lot. Enjoy!**

"Keenan!" I yell, throwing myself into her arms, the bourbon rushing to my brain. She giggles slightly at the sentiment, grabbing me before I fall on my face.

"Three drinks, Mo." She chides, smile never leaving her face. "You've had three drinks."

"Four drinks, and like five shots. We had shots earlier too, remember?." I correct, holding up my fingers as I continue talking. "And I forgot to eat before we went out." Keenan laughs as she helps me to my previous area,mixing yet another drink for me.

"I have to remember how much of a lightweight you are." She teases, light smile on her face as she makes her own drink. I hear Jaison laugh from behind us, a beer in his hand.

"We used to drink all of the time. I don't know how she never built a tolerance." Jaison inserts himself, talking with Keenan. I smile at my brother, happy that he approved of my friend. It made my life easier, seeing them get along. Keenan nods at Jaison as I start to shake my head at him.

" _You_ and _Eric_ would drink all of the time. The only time I drank, other than to celebrate my own personal victories, was when we played that trivial bullshit that Eric came up with." I comment, and see Eric shake his head over Jaison's shoulder. I almost forgot he was here. Looking at him now, I realize it's the first time that I've actually stopped and simply looked at him since I came back from my time at the infirmary. He had bags under his eyes, his mouth was set in a permanent frown. That look didn't suit him. Maybe it was all of that paperwork that they had him doing. He doesn't look happy, like he should be. Like he was at one point. I knew, more than anyone here, that underneath it all Eric was a funny guy. Always having something light to say to make the situation more bearable.

That was one of the reasons why I always liked him. It wasn't because he had good looks, or because he was so smart. He always knew how to make me laugh, even when I didn't want to. Especially when I didn't wan to.

He catches me staring at him, and he raises a lone eyebrow as he sips his drink. I smile at him as I keep his gaze, not at all embarrassed at having been caught. I didn't hear the door open, but heard as a small group of other people had let themselves in, one person in particular catching my eye.

In walks in a beautiful blonde haired beauty. She was small and built rather well. Small waist, big chest and ass. Her ice blue eyes complimented her light colored hair, and she had rather tan skin from being outside. She was wearing a skanky black dress that barely covered her ass, but somehow she still made it look good. It wasn't her looks that caught my attention, but her actions. She had immediately entered my brother's house, and wrapped herself around Eric, dazzling smile pointed his way. He breaks eye contact with me and looks down at her and I can feel my chest tighten as I look away, clearing my throat as I turn my whole body away from the scene. I couldn't make myself watch any longer, the air already feeling heavy in my lungs at the few seconds that I have just witnessed.

"Hey, Jaison?" I ask quietly, not noticing him and Keenan were in the middle of a conversation as I finger the rim of my glass, eyes trailing my finger. "Who all did you invite?" There is a pause before I hear Jaison curse under his breath, and I finally pull my eyes from my finger to look up at him, seeing him take in the same sight similar to the one that I had just witnessed.

I knew that Eric was bound to have other women in his life. I just didn't think that he had a current girlfriend. I thought that if he had, one of them would've said something by now, that it would have come up when Jai was staying with me. He sighs as he wipes a hand over his face, trying to wipe away the annoyed look on his face, no doubt.

"I told her specifically not to fucking be here." Jai tries to assure me, avoiding her name. I look at Keenan and see her staring at them as well, a look of disgust on her face. I keep looking forward, not having the courage to turn around and look in their direction. I hear a small giggle float through the air coming from their direction, and I feel a ton of stone settle in the pit of my stomach. Whatever they were doing, it was obviously amusing to her. "Her name is Juniper." He explains. I scoff at the name, taking a rather big swig of my drink. "They aren't a couple. Not now, anyways. Eric broke up with her a while ago. She's not really his type."

"Really? Could've fooled me." Keenan mumbles from beside me, hard glare sent over my shoulder at the two of them. Jai places his arm around me in comfort, and I lean my head on him as I finish my drink. I raise my glass in the air slightly, catching Keenan's gaze.

"I'm gonna need another one of these." I tell her, handing her my glass. She takes it from me with a kind smile, a flash of pity in her eyes as she sees the solemn look on my face, nodding at my request.

"I can make her leave. If you really want." Jaison asks from beside me, guiding me to the couch before he pulls me down with him onto it as Keenan refills me drink ten feet away. I shake my head as I lean back, the cushions engulfing my small frame.

"No need. It is a party, afterall. I don't want to be the reason why Eric doesn't have any fun." Jaison scoffs at my statement, shaking his head at me.

"Trust me when I say this: He has way more fun without her, than with her. I was the one stuck hearing him bitch about her all of the time. If I remember correctly, the only reason why he kept her around as long as he did was because she was good at sucking his dick. Which is all she's good for, if you ask me. She's fucking annoying." He comments, voice irritated. I laugh at the sentiment, his little confession making me feel a bit better. He could just be lying to me to make me feel better, and if he was, it worked. I feel marginally better as Keenan comes back not only with a drink, but a shot as well. She hands them both to me, smile on her face as she turns around, walking back to get something. She's back in the blink of an eye, holding a shot and drink herself. I sit up a bit, Jai's arm falling from my shoulders.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Jaison asks from beside me. I shake my head as Keenan sticks her tongue out, relaxing in Jai's presence.

"You have two working legs. Use them." She tells him with attitude. We take our shots as he stands, mumbling something about 'never being respected in his own damn house'. He comes back with a shot in one hand, plate in the other filled with snacks. He places it on the couch and sits on the opposite side of it, the plate between us. I snack on the food he brought over, chips and cupcakes being the main things on the plate, accompanied by some fruit and cookies. We fall into a comfortable conversation about initiation, Jai listening to the horror stories about Eric, laughing about what he did to Greyson.

"Fucker's lucky I wasn't there. He would've been walking out of there with a broken jaw. Accusing my sweet baby sister of fucking her way to the top." Jai seethes as I my stomach drops again, hearing the sound of her distant giggles come closer. Within moments, Eric walks into view, sitting himself beside me as she follows him. She looks around for a place to sit as he leans back, taking a long swig of his beer. I try to look away as she places herself in his lap, but stare with wide eyes as she drapes herself over his chest, arms looping around his neck. "What the FUCK, Juniper?" Jaison yells from beside me as I find myself speechless. She looks over at him with annoyed look on her face, whipping Eric in the face with her long hair. Good. I hoped he choked on it.

"What? Is there a problem?" She asks, her voice light, reminding me of Keenan's voice in a way. It was high in pitch, and had an airy quality in it. I may not like her on principle, but I had to give her credit. She was gorgeous. And she knew it, judging by the way she confidently strutted around like she owned the place. Like she owned Eric.

"Yes there is. There is a three person limit to this couch." He informs her with an annoyed tone. She laughs at him, and I roll my eyes as I stand, not able to sit between them. Not able to sit next to her and Eric. Together. If Eric didn't want her on him, he would've pushed her off by now, not being one to deal with what he didn't want, especially when it came to physical contact. It stung. Feeling like a slap in the face, and I scolded myself internally instantly at the though. It's not like he was flirting with me, or that we were together. He hasn't even said my name since I've been here. There was no logical reason to feel betrayed. Eric could be with whomever he wanted to be with. And it obviously wasn't with me.

"Th-This was all very nice, Jai. Really. But I have training tomorrow. I should get going." I tell him as I turn to walk out, her voice stopping me in my tracks as she turns her attention onto me.

"Training? Your an initiate?" She asks, but I ignore her, turning to keep my focus on Jaison as dread fills my whole body, flowing through my veins and encompassing me quickly. "What are you even doing here, then? At a party led by a leader." My body turns to ice as she continues speaking, her obvious ignorance over who I was being evident in her words. Jaison shakes his head at me, ignoring her completely as he searches for the words he wants to say.

"Maureen, please." He tries being the only thing he utters, but I shake my head at him, turning to leave again.

"Let her go. I don't know why you even invited her here. She's not a member. She doesn't belong." She stops her insults as she laughs quietly to herself, finding amusement in her own words. "She's really no good here. She's not even pretty, so I doubt you invited her here to fuck her. Maybe she'll just use this to try and get higher in the ranks. Get some good memories in before she becomes factionless. I'm sure you could show her a good time, Jaison. Give her a night to remember." She comments, and I'm glad that my back is turned as tears flood my eyes.

Twice in one day.

Did I really look that easy? Did I dress like a slut or something? Was it in the water they were drinking, or what? I don't understand. Why was her first thought about me, her first assumption about my character, involving sex?

Her words stung more than Greyson's ever could as she sat perched on Eric's lap. I was not going to let her see my cry.

Keenan locks eyes with me as she stands, linking her arm with mine. We start walking out together, Jai turning his attention to Juniper, his yelling following us. Keenan grabs a bottle as we walk past the table, handing it to me as she grabs another, leading me out of the apartment as Juniper starts yelling back at Jaison. I don't hear the words being tossed around, just the sound of their voices. I do notice, however, how Eric had stayed silent through the whole ordeal. That hurt more than her words did, his silence on the matter making the situation worse. Keenan doesn't say anything to me, or I her as we walk out and back to our beds.

The dreadful feeling from before still runs through me, and I can't stop thinking of her all over Eric as we walk further and further from the scene. I barely hold myself together, her words stinging more than usual. I was being over-dramatic.

Why was I crying because she made a comment on me not being attractive and trying to fuck my brother? It wasn't worth it.

Maybe it wasn't even the fact that it was about what she said, but how Eric was just sitting there and not doing anything to stop her from saying something so rude, like he silently agreed with what she said about my looks. About me becoming factionless. I hold the tears back, my eyes stinging from the effort of trying to keep my tears unshed.

"Tonight was a total bust." I comment, my unshed tears coating my words, my throat tightening while I lamely attempt at a conversation, opening the bottle and taking a sip from it. The liquor burned it's way to my belly, and I find myself finding comfort in the warmth it created as it settles in my belly. Keenan laughs from beside me as we find a spot to sit at in the hallway by the elevators.

"So much for relaxing. And celebrating." She adds, taking a drink from her own bottle. "She wasn't even that pretty." She tries to console me, using her own words against her, but it only breaks the dam, taking my concentration away from holding the tears back as I focus on her words. I think of the way she said them, and Eric's silent agreement and the shame and sorrow rush through me, the feeling being too much to hold in. She simply scoots closer to me, bringing an arms around me as she tries to console me. I hear footsteps coming towards us and try to stop my crying, pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes as I hold my breath, waiting for my heart to stop beating wildly in my chest as I sit back slightly, back against the wall.

"I've got her. Go back to the dorm." Jaison says from above us, his voice hoarse from his yelling match. Keenan lets go of me slowly, as I exhale, my breath shaking violently as I greedily suck in another lung full of air, hands still attached to my face. I continue holding my breath, waiting for the horrid feeling to pass me by. I feel his warmth and lean into him as she walks away, the sound of her walking echoing off of the barren walls.

"Breathe, Mo. You need to breathe." Jai coaxes, large hand rubbing my back as he pulls me forward slightly. I release my breath, sobs racking my body as he wraps himself around me, kissing the top of my head. "That's it, I'm here. It's okay. I took care of it. No need to worry, okay?" He says into my hair, but I don't respond. I keep sobbing into him, releasing all of my frustration and anger. Releasing my pain, hurt and anguish.

How could he sit there silently and let her berate me? How could he hold her in his lap and let her utter such nonsense? He let her insult me, never once uttering a word to her, to correct her or defend me.

He waits patiently with me, never once telling me to calm down, riding the emotional waves with me. It takes a while before my sobs turn into small cries. He continues to rub my back, keeping me in his warm embrace. My cries slowly turn into gasps for air, and gasps to hiccups. My face feels swollen and hot, but I ignore the feeling as I keep my head stuffed into his chest, not quite strong enough to face the world on my own. Not yet. We sit in silence, him still holding me in a warm embrace for a long while before I take yet another breath, leaning out of him and back onto the wall, eyes staring at the wall across from us. He takes me by surprise as he starts talking, his voice scratchy from yelling at _her_. I wipe my face as he talks, finding moisture still steadily leaking down my face, the tears not stopping.

"Don't be a girl with just a pretty face. Be a woman with everything- beauty, brains. Have it all. Be the successful and independent woman that these girls can't mess with, and more importantly, a woman that these boys can't touch." He says to me, swiping my hair behind my ear. I giggle a bit through the tears, wiping them from my face as I peer down, his gaze a bit too intimidating.

"I wish. I don't even feel pretty anymore." I mumble, a new wave of tears coming as I stare at my hands. Jaison simply pulls me closer to him once more, slinging as arm over my shoulders as he tucks me into his side, a kiss pressed to the top of my head.

"Maureen, you are the prettiest, most beautiful woman here. These bitches don't have _anything_ on you." He assures, rubbing my arm. I continue crying softly in my safe haven, feeling safe in my brother's embrace. My body isn't wracked with sobs this time, my chest not heaving as I cry, but merely take gasps as I try to breathe. I hear footsteps coming down the hall, and press myself deeper into him, trying to disappear from the world. The footsteps slow down as they draw nearer, and I hold my breath. "Keep fucking walking, pricks." I hear Jaison say loudly, his words vibrating his chest, his voice taking a deep gravelly tone. Protective. Authoritative.

Whoever it is listens, and I hear them echo away. I take a deep breath, staying in the warmth of his embrace. I was siphoning his strength little by little before I have enough courage to sit back once more, the cold air hitting my face. Jaison stays silent beside me, and I feel his gaze on me as I close my eyes.

My head rests on the wall behind me as my eyes stay shut and I fight back the urge to continue crying. My brother waits patiently for me, not rushing the process. We sit next to each other for a long while, a few stray tears making their way out every now and then. It isn't until my face is dry and eyes poofy before he speaks, pulling me from my trance.

"Come on," Jaison ushers, standing up when he realizes that the danger of falling into another fit of hysterics has passed, my breathing evening as I relax into the wall. Sleep had been slowly taking over. He puts a hand in front of my face, offering to help me up. I open my eyes and peer up at him, eyes feeling swollen. I grab his hand lightly, and he pulls me up and into him, his arm finding it's way on my shoulders again as he steers me through the winding halls.

I start to shiver, the air becoming colder, feeling like ice on my heated face and exposed arms. Jai notices, and shrugs out of his jacket before he slings it over my shoulders in place of his arm, a kind smile on his face as I look to him. His coat is a bit baggy, my the sleeves coming past the knuckles of my hands, the bottom hem falling under my butt. I smile in thanks, no words spoken between us, a comfortable silence blanketing over us as his warmth seeps through me. He leads us to the initiates quarters.

Of course. I asked to be treated fairly but now more than ever I wish that, for once, he wouldn't listen to me. I go to take his coat off and hand it to him, but he stops me, smacking my hands lightly.

"Keep it." He insists, smile never leaving his face. "I've seen your wardrobe. You need it." He explains. A fresh wave of tears hits my eyes from his kindness, forgetting for a moment what true, pure love felt like. Love from a person who was always, who will always be there whenever he can. Jai wipes a stray tear that I hadn't notice slip out with a sigh, shaking his head slightly. "And stop your damn crying." He scolds gently, laughing a bit. He makes me giggle and I nod at him. He goes to turn, but I grab his arm in protest. I wrap my arms around his waist tightly, burying my head in his chest one last time before he leaves. He merely chuckles and places a kiss on the top of my head, arms holding my just as tightly to his chest. "Come on, Maureen. It's time for bed. You have training tomorrow." He reminds me with a firm tone, trying to pry himself out of my arms. I let him go with a sigh, turning and walking through the door without another word, knowing that if I had spoken, the words would come out broken.

It was in that second that I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would do whatever it took to stay here. To be Dauntless.

To make Jaison proud.


	9. Chapter 9

This morning was full of regret the moment my eyes opened.

Regret from waking up at 3:17 in the morning.

Regret from drinking so much last night.

Regret from actually, physically getting up out of my bed and taking a hot shower.

Regret from when I realized where I was at, and saw how my tired aching feet had somehow marched me in front of the worst doors I had seen in my _entire_ life. The doors that lead to hell.

Regret from actually opening the door to the training room to stretch my body, to try and fight my way through the hang over.

As I walk in, I take a look around and think of what all has been happening, taking a minute to wrap my hands in gauze and tape before jogging the perimeter of the room as I think of how _everything_ has changed in such a _short_ amount of time. How seeing Eric had restarted this electricity that ran through my veins at the very sight and sound of him. At how I had been stabbed, albeit accidental, but hurting nonetheless. The recovery after that, and the training. How I don't flinch anymore at a fist flying towards my face, and the sight of blood doesn't make me nauseous anymore, and finding it strangely cathartic at how my body feels after a body-blowing workout. The change from two weeks ago wash over me, and I try and think of every one, and how I was going to continue to change.

How Greyson had only become more interested in me, and how I would have to find a way to curve through his hostility. My booming friendship with Keenan would venture from here, or worse, how her relationship with Eric and Jaison would turn out.

This was all so new, and so different than life had been at Erudite, how the days bled together there, nothing too exciting happening very often. Maybe six times a year tops. Here, life changed everyday. You lived life on a day-to-day basis, making the most out of what you had. It was stressful, and debilitating in some ways. I am still adjusting, trying to find my sweet spot, my mind rushing ahead before the rest of me, leaving my body in a confused fog trying to navigate through life on auto-piolet. The shower this morning wasn't as bad as I thought, finding that it had helped, it relieved part of a lingering fog. The hot water seemed to have broken through the haze, allowing my brain to catch up a bit.

I look around as I slow to a walking pace, and start to take in my surroundings only to find that at some point Eric had joined me. He was already setting up the room while I warmed up and ran laps, and I ignored him completely. He offered a 'good morning' upon my notice of him, but didn't say anything else once I started on with my routine as if he had said nothing. If he was offended by my lack of response, he sure didn't say anything. He kept doing what he was doing, flittering around the exercise room. It wasn't until I was punching a punching bag when Eric walked over closer to me, and I could feel his eyes burning holes into my body as he checked my form.

It was silent for a moment before I felt him touch me, adjusting my shoulders, kicking my ankle in an inch hard enough to make me flinch. Electricity sparked where his hands connected to the flesh of my shoulders, and I held in a delightful shudder at his touch, a warm sensation flooding my body. This was insane, and it needed to stop. I need to get layed.

"Can't you just tell me what I need to change instead of abusing me?" I ask rudely, turning towards him mere inches from his face. His features are pulled into a smirk, his eyes guarded. My mouth was moving faster than my brain at this point, becoming mentally exhausted from the grueling time that I had spent here.

"Where's the fun in that?" He teases, lips pulling into a small smug smile. I smirk back as I jab him in the gut, satisfied when he grabs at his abdomen and pulls away from me. He refused to listen to my words, maybe he would listen better to action.

"Keep invading my bubble and it might get worse." I threaten, voice cold as I turn back to my previous task, taking into account how Eric had adjusted my stance. Eric scoffs from behind me, and I can feel his gaze turn into a glare.

"Excuse me?" He asks incredulously, as if I didn't speak loud enough. I ignore him as I continue to hit the bag, each punch landing harder and harder. Before too long, I settle into a rhythm. I sigh as I return to our encounters in my mind, being critical over every word, every expression.

All that ever comes to mind is Eric being tense, and always shrugging me off. He never answers my questions, or if he does they are veiled answers, never giving me the full truth. He treats me like a child, or someone insignificant. He belittles me, acting like I don't do anything, like I don't _try_. It's getting very annoying, he isn't acting at all like the person that I grew up with, the person that I miss. The person that I know he is, and it's frustrating. It hurts. Why does he feel like he needs to act like someone he's not? Why doesn't he just act silly and humorous, or at least try to _smile_ and not smirk? Is he not happy with his transfer, did something happen while he's been here?

"I'm not really a hint taker so you need to explain this to me. Now." I hear from behind me in a low rumble, his tone so cold that I expected icicles to be forming on the walls surrounding us. I forgot that he was there. I assumed that he had walked away. I stop and not move for a moment, a deer in headlights as you will, as I think my way through this. Thinking of ways to navigate through his anger as I turn, three scenarios playing their ways through my mind.

Scenario one, I say the wrong thing, set Eric off, and end up in a yelling and or physical match that would leave me physically or emotionally wounded.

Scenario two, his serpent-like tongue makes an appearance, he lashes out at me, throwing some old and new junk on my face, threaten my place here in Dauntless and walk away. I still walk away emotionally wounded, pride some-what intact as I say a ninny-like comment to his retreating back as we pretend later this never happened.

Scenario three, I wade through the land-mine that is Eric, talk to Eric in Eric-speak and walk away with both of our prides in tact, no one getting hurt and I pass initiation without an angry Eric making my life a living hell.

I prayed that either scenario two or three played out, not wanting to physically spar with the older, more muscled man while my mind and body screamed in protest, the haze still settling over my being.

"I asked you a question, initiate." He prompts again, glaring at me. The muscles feather in his jaw and he grits his teeth, and I run through my list of answers, picking one that hopefully didn't make his blood boil.

"I'm sick and tired of things getting personal around here." I mutter quietly, taking the honest route. Honesty is the best policy. So is being subtle, and speaking vaguely. Hopefully he would be satisfied with that answer.

"Oh? How so?" He asks mockingly, taking a step back as he crosses his arm over his chest, his tattoos prominent as he unconsciously flexes his arms, body growing tense under my observation. Playing the game was always Eric's favorite thing, setting the bait and waiting for the right moment to strike. Only Jaison and I knew how to wade through the eye of the storm with minimum to no casualties, the years of practice paying off in the end.

"Don't be coy. I just want to get through initiation, top-three preferably, and not worry about how other people think that I'm sleeping my way to the top. You know, seeing as how your girlfriend thinks that my brother is trying to fuck me now." I retort, referring to the amazing time we shared last night. Eric seems to pick up on something in my tone and a knowing smirk spreads over his face, and I instantly regret the words that I said.

Fuck.

Me

Please, not today.

"You're jealous." He states, a mockingly happy tone to his voice as he shakes his head at me, smirk turning into a smile as I start shaking my head at him in retaliation, trying to talk over him as he continues speaking. "You are jealous of Juniper, this is hilarious!"

"I am not jealous of anybody or anything, that was not it!" I tell him, trying to stop the words from pouring out of his mouth. It doesn't work, his laugh filling the air at my lame attempts to shut him up and I turn on my heel, stalking out of the exercise room.

His laughter sounds mocking to my ears, and I lash out at him. I punch him again in the gut, hoping to stop his laughter but that only seemed to fuel his amusement. He blocks the hits, and deals back one of his own pushing me back slightly.

"Come here, let's try this." He pulled me closer by wrist, almost throwing me into the ring. I roll my shoulders as I skeptically watch him, eyes raking over his body, looking for any threat. Any feathering of muscles, a defensive or aggressive stance, anything. He holds his hands up, palms facing towards towards me and I keep looking at him, trying to figure out what he wanted from me. "Hit me." He beckons me closer, taking a step forwards as a slight mischief clouds his eyes, making my own orbs glare into him, questioning his sudden willingness to help me, apprehensive.

"Don't you need gloves?" I continue to glare at him as he smirks at me, his eyes light as he chuckles lowly at my inquiry, and I find myself relaxing a fraction at his demeanor, the teasing and rude air gone if only for now. For a moment, if I didn't look around to my surroundings, not thinking about how he asked me to actually HIT him, I could imagine us back in Erudite a vague sense of de ja vu over the situation, flooding my senses with warmth.

"Won't need them. You hit like a girl." His comment hit me in the face, reminding me of that very important fact: We weren't in Erudite. We weren't laughing over at a misprint, a typo. He was laughing at me. I let that fuel me as I strike his hand forcefully, but he doesn't hardly move, the skin-to-skin slap resounding in the air as I strike again, anger running through my veins as I punch him again. It takes a few hits but before long, he relents and takes a step back, turning as he goes. I follow his movements. The sting in my knuckles was starting to grow, but I allowed that to fuel me further, ignoring the slight burn as I continue hitting, gradually planting my feet, turning my hips into the punch, taking a small victory in his grunt, internally shining at his small smirk the small commendations.

"You know, this is not how normal people start their days. Coffee,-" He rambles mindlessly, and I continue punching him, breathing labored at my efforts. i can feel he sweat starting to bead at my hairline, the heat on my neck as I continue my assault.

"Shut up." I grumble, interrupting him in an airy voice from my work out.

"-cake." He continues, acting as if I hadn't said a word. I continue punching him, right right left. "Sex, even. Maybe even with someone else that wasn't closely related to them." The dig to what Juniper had accused and the smile on his face allows me to see red, the anger fueling my punch, the hits getting harder." I kick at him, creating distance as I reared my right hand back, a small cry leaving my lips as I punch at his face. He easily blocks me, a smirk ever-present as I hit him.

"I don't _want_ any _cake_ or to have any _sex_." I lie through my teeth, thinking of how just earlier I was telling myself I needed a good lay. "Especially not with _Jaison._ but _of course_ your girlfriend must've convinced you _otherwise_."I tell him, emphasizing my words with punches, watching the smirk fall from his face slightly at the mention of _her_.

"It might be a nice thing to have. Wake up in the morning, have a quick romp followed by a nice cup of coffee." He continues, going out to hit me to keep me on my toes.

"I don't feel like heeding any of your indications on what I should be doing with my life. Back off, Eric." I warn, rolling my shoulders as I take a step back, pointing my finger at the offending man. We stand there glaring at each other for a moment, the tension building as I keep his gaze. Whether the tension was sexual or awkward, I didn't know all I knew was that I was reveling in it, letting the feelings wash over me, _into_ me.

"Pin me." He rushes forward and strikes at me, but I step back, deflecting his punch. "I'll stop the second you pin me." He strikes at me again and lands the hit this time on my jaw, the pain blossoming from his contact.

"The _fuck_?" I yell at him, hand raising to my jaw as I stare at him in shock. Eric smirks ar me as he takes his stance, taking a light swing at me. We circle each other and land our blows, the fight lasting longer than many that I have had since my transfer. It still ends with me on my back, panting for breath. Eric looms over me, smirk on his face, panting from his own exertions.

"I won, therefore I talk about what I want." He goads, smirk in place. I roll my eyes as I roll over, heaving myself up. I roll my shoulders as I head to a punching bag, lightly tapping the cool surface, the coldness seeping into my aching knuckles. My hand would be bruised purple and black at this rate. Eric comes over and snatches my wrist, eyeing my knuckles. I look down as well, and notice how a red color bleeding through the white wrappings. He gingerly unwraps my hand, and I continue watching. He lightly touches the wound and I inhale sharply at the sting, pulling my hand back slightly. "Go to the infirmary, get some creme for this. No more training, just relax until eight." He orders, dropping my hand and looking me in my eye. I nod at him with a small smile, unwrapping my other hand quickly.

"Yes sir, Master Chief." I tease, walking out of the door with a spring in my step.

Maybe there wasn't so much to regret after all.


	10. Chapter 10

_I rush as I take things out of Amy's car, the track of our last rehearsal playing over the speakers as the rain beat down on the car, setting the atmosphere of the war I was about to walk into._

 _One was ever late in the Ipkyss household without expecting to get an earful from their matriarch._

 _My hair is dripping as I close the door behind me, panting slightly from the exertion. I look down and see my sheet music soaked, and mentally curse myself. Sherman isn't going to be very happy when he has to make me copies tomorrow._

 _"Where have you been, we were supposed to be over at the Coulter's ten minutes ago! You know that they invited us over to dinner today!" My mother shrieks as she waltzed down the stairs. The long dress accentuated her curves, the dark blue complimenting her light skin tone and reddish-brown hair. Her eyes are what caught the attention of most people, a startling kelly green. She stood tall in her gold high heels, shoulders back as she strutted her way around._

 _I guess being a trauma surgeon gave her the confidence to rule any room, the air around surging with domanincy. In times like this, Annaliese's eyes almost seemed glowing a mystic green with anger. Most people would say that I look the most like her, and in facial features, I guess you could say that I did._

 _It was the 'brown eyes that threw the beauty from my look', the 'muddy-ness of my eyes tainting the beauty' Annaliese always pressed onto me. I sigh as I place my violin and sheet music down to take my coat off, hair splaying droplets of water all around me as I yank my coat off._

 _"I'm sorry Momma, rehearsal ran late. It's not very woman-like to rush a conductor, now is it?" I ask snidely, running by her to get to my room to change, Annaliese huffing behind me._

 _"Well, hurry up. Your father, brother and I will be leaving in twenty minutes. With, or without you." She threatens as she continues walking and I mock her behind her back. If she's such a good surgeon, then she should know of someone who is qualified enough to remove that stick she has stuffed so far up her ass she's choking on it._

 _I hurry around the room as I throw on a navy lacy concert dress, a short sleeved dress that stopped mid-thigh. I threw on a pair of silver heels and a diamond necklace Jai had gotten me for my birthday accessorizing the outfit. I ran into the bathroom, blow drying my hair in record time, and fixing my make up when Jaison popped his head in._

 _"Three minute warning." He tells me as he watches, cocking his head to the side as I apply the last touches to my eye shadow. He chuckles at my reflection, taking a step towards me. "You sure are getting all dressed up nice for just going to dinner over at the Coulter's." He taunts, grabbing some make-up from the counter as he speaks. He turns the tube of mascara over in his hand, as if reading the label._

 _"I never know who I will run into." I defend, walking past him as I walk out, leaving him behind. My mother turns around as she hears Jai and I approaching, a polite smile stretched over her face._

 _"It could just be Eric and his parents. You know, like usual?" He continues to taunt lowly as we descend the stairs, while throwing extra emphasis on his best friend's name._

 _"Oh, shut up. He could be... Out." I lamely defend. Jai knows that I have a crush on Eric, and he knows that I know he knows. The situation was complicated to say the least, but it was sort of enjoyable._

 _"You and I both know the truth. He never misses the opportunity to see you all dolled up." I blush as the teasing worsens, as the smile on his face widens._

 _"Oh, shut up."_

 _"Better late than never. Get in the car, and let's go." She dismisses us, leaving us children as she loops her arm with Morty's. We follow wordlessly, and I feel a pull in the bottom of my stomach._

* * *

"Two days from now, will be visiting day." Four announces loudly, pulling me from my day dream. "Some may come to visit, others may not. Don't be surprised if your family doesn't show up."

"It may be for the better," Eric interjects from behind him, arms crossed and proudly on display as he's wearing a tank-top and his nifty vest, the muscles in his arms rippling as they stayed crossed over his chest. "we take the saying 'faction over blood' very seriously here at Dauntless. Them visiting will only cause both parties more harm." His eyes dart through us, and I catch his gaze for a moment. I think back to that night fondly for a time and smile softly at him, the last dinner our families had fresh in my mind. "For today, we will be heading to the roof." He informs us, and I look down, grateful that I put on a light running jacket on my long sleeve this morning as we follow wordlessly to our next challenge.

"This will be our next project. Initiates, group by your respective leaders. Good luck to you all." Four commands, and I silently walk over to Eric, a dull ache reverberating through my body from this morning's sparring session, a fatigue settling over my body. I've been up for hours and I was starting to feel it as the wind soared past us, freezing us to the bone.

"All good soldiers know how to hit a target. Now, we will be testing your marksmanship with firearms." He lectures, voice slightly raised as the wind kept whipping past us, stealing his voice along within itself. I felt my eyes start to water, and blink a few times to clear my vision, to watch Eric carefully. He held up a large gun in his right hand, a knowing look warning us about the seriousness of the situation. "This is a rifle. It holds thirty rounds per magazine, although there can be customized magazines holding up to 100 rounds." He passes the rifle off to Greyson, nodding for us to pass it around. "There are certain features that we will get more comfortable with in the future," Greyson holds the rifle up and looks down the scope, smirking as he hands in off to Keenan. "however, today we will be going over the basics and try to get all of you attempting to hita target by the end of the day." Keenan tests the weight as it's passed to her and she quickly hands it off to Jakob, as Eric gives her a side-glance at her while sneering at not only us but her hesitance to hold the thing.

I watch as Jakob mimics Greyson, looking down the scope and I stepped back from the scene, not appreciating how he had raised the barrel towards us as he waved it around. Eric sighed lowly, body stiffening at Jakob's actions, not that the boy in question noticed.

He handed the weapon off to me and I weighed it between my hands, pointing the barrel downwards as I tilted it to and fro, watching the metal gleam in the morning light. It seemed to shine on that rooftop, a white streak following the sun's path along it's edge, and I find myself becoming unnerved how _right_ it felt in my palm. I quickly hand it off, eyes cast down as Eric continues to lecture us, glaring while he talks.

"The function of this firearm is pretty self explanatory." Clicking the safety on, he tilts the gun sideways so we could clearly see a side profile of the firearm. "You take your finger, pull this trigger," Moves his finger over said mechanism, squeezing a bit. Keenan jumped slightly, and I turned to look at her, really look and see her rattled. She had paled a few shade and was trembling slightly, whether from the weather or fear was to be determined. Eric darted his attention back to Keenan, eyeing her suspiciously as he continues his schpeal. "this causes a firing pin to strike the primer which inturn ignites gunpowder. The burning powder causes pressure to build within the gun and that pressure pushes the bullet out of the muzzle." He traces his finger down the side of the muzzle as he speaks, finger tracing the path of a bullet. "Quite simple." He sums up, taking it apart piece-by-piece rather quickly. "You will build and attempt to fire your own guns. I will be walking around to watch you struggle."

* * *

 _Jaison had stepped out of the car before me, holding out his hand to help me out of the car. I take it gratefully as I slide out, a hand going to run over the bottom of my dress as I take a step forward, looking over to see my mom let herself out of the vehicle, my father trailing behind her like always._

 _He was a decent looking man, a person who, many would say, struck 'out of his league'. Although he was somewhat attractive, he didn't compare to mom. Watching them stand side-by-side, one would see that. While Annaliese commanded everyone with her presence, Mortimer just seemed to 'ask' to be there. In Erudite, one wasn't too confident in his line of work. I always wondered if h ever felt intimidated by her, her credible title of trauma surgeon glaring down harshly on his meek title of chiropractor._

 _Mom came gliding up beside me, grasping lightly onto my arm as she steered me into the Coulter's home, a fake smile pulling over her features as we pass the doorman and enter the home._

 _"Are you alright? You haven't been acting yourself the last couple of days." Annaliese whispers into my ear as we shed our jackets, placing them on the rack in the foyer. I roll my eyes at her antics, freezing slightly as I felt I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar, caught lost in thought as random questions popped into my head._

 _"I'm fine." I sneer quietly as I turn to the hostess, ignoring my mother's pointed look in my direction._

 _"Annaliese! Morty! You seem to be a few minutes late, is everything okay?" Adelaide asks loudly as she walks into the doorway, a cocktail hanging loosely between her fingers. She seemed to have started early tonight. She was the shortest one present, standing at a petite four foot eight inches, donning no heels. She mostly padded around with flats or tennis shoes on her feet, constantly being on the move as an architect. Adelaide was pretty in her own right, her blonde hair and bright blue eyes giving her a small doll-like appearance. She had a slender face, her big doe eyes the main focal point. She always donned her signature welcoming smile, although I could never tell if it was genuine or fake, even in times when she was drunk. Like right now. Annaliese and Adelaide hug each other briefly as Anna shakes her head, waving her friend off lightly._

 _"Everything is fine. This weather seemed to have slowed us down more than we expected." She lies sweetly, steering her into the dining area to the bar they had by their book shelf. "I seem to be a few behind." She teases. giggling softly with her friend. I look around as I follow them into the other room, catching Jaison and Eric over by the banister leading upstairs. Eric and I lock eyes as I pass, and I offer him a small smile. He smiles softly back and waves slightly in my direction, forcing a blush to travel it's way up my neck adn blossom over my face. I wave back as I round the corner, a cheesy grin making it's way across my face as my heart picks up a fraction of a pace._

 _That boy was going to be the death of me._

* * *

Keenan jumps with every clatter of the metal-against-metal _ting_ as she attempts to assemble the gun from beside me. I wearily grab each piece, eyeing Jakob and Geryson from across us. Greyson had the rifle put halfway together, a smug smirk gracing his face. His bright blue eyes glance over to me and his smirk widens, showing his straight white teeth.

"See something you like?" He asks, and I see him unconsciously straighten his shoulders, standing taller and trying to make himself look more attractive. He kept a smug smirk in place, so full of himself, and giggle a bit at the scene.

"No matter how hard you try, you'll never be as arrogant as Eric." The words slip from my mouth before I could think, the early morning getting to my head. Keenan smiles from beside me as Greyson scoffs, shoulders deflating under my fire. Good. Asshole needed a reality check.

"Funny how you bring him up. How long have you been fucking him?" He asks nonchalantly, going back to the task at hand. I glare up at his mop of chestnut brown hair, a slow fire igniting in me.

"I don't have to be _fucking_ him to know that he has a reason to be arrogant, or have good reason to be. He's one of the youngest leaders here. He obviously is good at what he does."

"Good at what he does? Like, in bed?" He continues to taunt. I was used to taunting, I mean my brother was the worst at that sort of thing. When I was a child, I could handle it. Now was a different story.

"God, will you just drop it already? I'm not having sex with him!" I hiss, a red hot flame shoots it's way out, lashing violently him. Who I was and was not having sex with was _none_ of his business.

"I hear a lot of repression in that statement. Are you sure that you don't put out?" Greyson continues. He brings his eyes up to me and I see a mischievous glint flash in his eyes. This fucker was getting _enjoyment_ out of pissing me off. I slam the parts of the rifle down, and am pleasantly surprised when I see Greyson flinch.

"Shut up, or I swear to God-" I warn, getting cut off as he leans forward. I see the mischievousness disappear suddenly, a darkness clouding his some-what pleasant features.

"What? You're gonna hurt me?" He asks lowly, both hands on the table as he leans forward. A power move.

"You don't scare me." I tell him. I had grown up with Jaison and Eric, nothing this boy could do would scare me.

"Well, I should." He responds, a dark smile spreading across his face, sending chills down my spine.

* * *

 _"Jaison, I hear that you will be attending some sort of ceremony soon?" Adelaide asks, raising her glass to her lips to take a greedy sip. Jai wipes his mouth on his napkin, grabbing his own glass to clear his throat._

 _"Mm-yes. I, um, I was invited to an awards ceremony for a research Eric and I consulted on." Jai smiles at me from across the table and I smile back softly, pushing around the food on my plate. Of course Annaliese or Morty would talk about Jaison's stupid awards ceremony. Addy turns to Eric then as Annaliese and Morty smile kindly at oe another, proud of their son._

 _If only they could be that proud of me._

 _"Why aren't you going, Eric? I hadn't even heard anything of it!" Alaric asks, a smile donning his face. I keep looking at my food, not bothering to eat much._

 _"I have previous engagements to attend." He explains. Previous engagements?_

 _My concert._

 _I smile softly down at my food, butterflies tearing at my stomach as I hear Addy scoff and the swirl of her drink as she passes it between her own hands._

 _"Previous engagements? Eric, this is an awards ceremony!" Addy persists, and I feel a ton of bricks squash those butterflies. Of course, nothing else was important. Except for them and their achievements._

 _"It's not like_ we _are the ones getting the award. Besides, Maureen has a concert that day. Don't you?" Eric asks. I raise my eyes, smile on my face as I nod my head. I knew he said that he would be there, but I didn't really think that he meant it. Alaric smiles from beside me, grabbing his own drink._

 _"That sounds very..._ Pleasant. _" Addy snides, glaring at me from her spot at the head of the table. I look over at her and catch her gaze, flinching internally. I could_ feel _the disdain rolling off of her in waves. "Annaliese, how do you plan on splitting that up?" She asks, but I know that she already knows the answer. Morty chokes on his pasta as Annaliese sits a tad straighter. She was preparing herself._

 _"We aren't splitting it. We are going to Jaison's award ceremony with him. Maureen understands, don't you?" She directs her question at me while keeping her eyes locked onto Adelaide, and I feel a royal anger light inside of me._

 _"Of course, Mother." My answer is automatic and feels heavy with anger and hatred on my tongue. Jai shoots me an apologetic look from across the table, and I smile at him before turning my attention back onto the food._

 _And to only think, that was only the beginning of the end._


End file.
